I want to post something during the Hari Raya break via my hp but unfortunately I was not able to log in. Anyway, this Hari Raya was the most difficult and saddest Hari Raya. It was our first raya without Abah. Not all of us came back for the first day of Raya. This year was the in-laws' turn. Ayus & family, the boys and my family were with mak on the first day of raya. We went to the grave to offer prayer to Abah. Sedihnya, terasa kosong masa sambut Hari Raya. I still remember the last raya with Abah. Abah was smiling away with all the grandchildren around him. Sarah was on his lap. He looked so fine and happy.

We made Bi hun Soto and ketupat Palas (first time ever). No lemang and ketupat daun kelapa this year. Mak prepared rendang ayam. Ayus arrived on Saturday night. She cooked kuah kacang for the ketupat (brand nona!). Normally abah will find the daun kelapa to make sarung ketupat. Not this year, no more.....

The second day, we had tahlil for Abah. Abg Labu, Abg Bad and Kak Nor came over to visit Mak. Then Achik and Pak Jang came. Mak cried when she saw Pak Jang came. That was the first time he came and asked about her after Abah's gone. I dont understand it why Pak Jang didnt bother to visit her own sister. Entahlah.

Today is mak's birthday. I am going to call her later to wish her Happy Birthday. Semoga Allah memberi mak kekuatan and kesihatan untuk meneruskan kehidupannya tanpa Abah. Amin.

visit this blog to read on Raya with a difference at the perantauan http://kakteh.blogspot.com/. It really touches my heart and it reminded me of mak. Raya with a Difference...........

It has been almost 2 months since abah left us now. Rindu nak jumpa abah semula. Last night during terawih, I saw somebody at the men's saf who look like abah from the back. Menitis air mata when reality sink in. That was not abah and I will never see abah again except dalam syurga nanti.

Mak is at kampung with Danial and Fiqar. Alhamdullilah, both of them are at home. If not, mak would be lonely. I will call mak every other day. Sometimes mak is ok, sometimes she sounds so sad. I know she misses abah. All of us do. Still teringat the last moment with abah. Ramadan ni lagilah teringatkan abah. The food that he loved, the food that he loved to buy for us.

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh abah dan tempatkan abah di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin....

Abah's gone...

Probably, this is one of the last postings I will made here. Have to find the motivation to write again. My abah passed away on 11 July 2009 at 3.59 am in Hospital Putrajaya. He was 65 year-old. Tak tahu apa nak tulih lagi. Semuanya ada dalam memori, vividly. My last time with him at the hospital, bagi dia makan ubat, minum air. Temankan dia solat. Tenangkan dia. At 2.45 am, I saw him unconsious but breathing at the hospital bed. 3.59 am, he was gone.

Abah, you will always be in my heart. Tak puas lagi rasanya nak berbakti pada abah. I love you abah.

I have been very busy lately. After the long medical leave, I am back on my feet. I am almost back to my normal self except my calcium level is still below the specification. So I am still on calcium pills about 1500mg a day. Other than that I am ok.

Got a new camera Nikon Coolpix 8.0 Megpixels. Got a new HP Nokia E71. Oh Well, I am so blessed with these technologies. Later, I will upload a better photos. I have a lot more. Anyway, here's some photo taken with Nikon. Enjoy!

Caution! : Not for the fainthearted people. Solely for medical record purpose.



Pathology Report:

Nodular thyroid gland weighing 55.3 g. The right lobe measures 90X35x35 mm, the left lobe measures 65x30x25 mm and isthmus measures 20x15x10mm.

Boy! it was big, really big. I am now weigh less 55.3 g but gain a few kilos while recuperating!!

Doc has reduced my calcium dose to twice a day but I am having symptoms of numbness at my fingers. May I should give him a call tommorrow.

My next doctor's appointment is tommorrow. I doubt I can go back to work by next week. My neck is still swollen and my voice is still hoarse. Mak said because I ate egg. Well, I did actually, sampai dua biji sekali. I made sunny side up eggs and Amir tak nak makan, so I ate them all.

I am taking Gamat Healing and TF now. Baru dua hari. I am supposed to start on that two weeks ago but tak sempat nak pergi beli. Harapkan my beloved husband memang hopeless in that region!! Hopefully, I will be ok for the next one or two weeks.

I think I gain weight as well duduk kat rumah. Beside, I think my metabolism rate went haywired too.

Staying home has its challenge too. More so when we are not well and cant go anywhere. So, I try not to sleep too much but not to munch on something is quite hard actually. I am not a chip person and I would munch on something really heavy like bread or kuih or nugget and then still have full course of lunch, kadang-kadang siap dengan dessert (ice cream or bread pudding or cake). In my fridge, those things memang ada in stock.

So, friends and foes, if you see me later at the office, please excuse my weight. I would use reason that my metabolism rate has gone haywired because of the lack of thyroid hormon!

Another day of recovering. I havent taken anything to speed the healing process. Some poeple would take Air Gamat, Jeli Gamat, TF or ikan haruan ke. I am not at all. Concerned gak but what to do, Amir pun tak tanya apa-apa, and I pun tak mintak apa-apa. But finally, I did ask Amir to look for Jeli Gamat. I was actually to get the TF but I just dont have the time to go to Amcorp Mall to get it. It was so hectic the day I was supposed to be warded. Repair the car's aircon which cost me RM1100 (my money earned through the ESOS!), groceries to feed more than 10 people (all will be here at my home!), not to forget the last minute thing I need to do for the office before the long medical leave.

Today, the swollen has improved a bit though it is still feel sore and tight below the chin.

I guess may be some of you are wondering why I have to remove my thyroid. Here's the chain of event that led to the removal of my poor thyroid:

June 2008 - detected a lump on my right side of the neck. Ultrasound was done. There's a cyst on the right lobe of the thyroid. Through the ultra sound, it was clear that my thyroid was enlarged. No traces of hyperthyroidism. My hormon was normal.

Nov 2008 - Take another ultra sound, no much changes to the thyroid. The cyst on the right lobe dissappeared but the left one seems to enlarge even bigger. Dato Dr Shah of SMC (KPJ SSH) wanted me to decide whether to remove it or not. Nothing medically dangerous but cosmetically was not really pretty. I was diagnosed as Multinodular Goiter.

Dec 2008 - Went for tonsil operation. Dr Satwant took over from Dato Dr Shah. He advised me to remove it before it become malignant. I have the history of cancer in the family. Ina had her thyroid removed much earlier and was suspected as cancer. (Luckily her cancer cell is not active).

Jan 2009 - Went to Cameron Highland and met this guy with very large growth in his neck. It something like the photo below (taken here: http://www.healthline.com/channel/goiter_images?id=gem_03_img0313) but this guy was bigger, covered all his neck area.

Feb 2009 - Went to see Dr Satwant again and set the date for the operation.

18 Mar 2009 - the big day and now I am left without the thyroid. It is a total thyroidectomy which means total thyroid was removed (both lobes and the isthmus). But Dr Satwant able to preserve the gland to produce calcium biologically.