8 October 2007

Many many months have passed since Abah's first diagnosed as having cancer. He went for the opeartion on the 22 May 2007 at Putra Jaya Hospital. It was long, tough journey for us as a family. He had his colon remover, about 21 cm of it and he also had his bladder cut. The cancer has spread to his bladder. Alhamdullilah, he doesn't have to wear any colostomy bag like many people do.

Update: 11 October 2007
16 weeks has lapsed since his operation. Now, he is undergoing chemotheraphy (in HKL) and radiotheraphy (in Gleneagles Ampang). But not without any problem actually. Initially, Abah decided not the have his chemo by injection but instead of by oral medication. He refused to stay in the ward. His radiotheraphy is for 5 weeks. To date, he has completed 4 weeks and 4 days of radiotherapy. Tommorrow would be his last day of radiotheraphy. Frankly, he is doing very well. No fever or infection, well except that he is suffering from cirit-birit. The doctor at Gleneagles made a remark that a lot of other people would not tahan the treatment. But Abah is ok.

The chemotheraphy also make him cirit-birit, loya & loss of appetite. Other than that, he is ok. Frankly I am very happy of his progress. Abah is not someone who can stand pain at all. In fact, all the time he is at my home, he would be whining, and whining and whining of sakit perut, tak ade selera and loya. But what can we do? We just listen and ask him to bersabar.

Another two days, then it would be raya. This raya, I am playing host to my family. Since Abah tak sihat lagi and could not go back to kampung, they would be spending the hari raya at my house. Which I am also happy coz I do not have to travel jauh-jauh. Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya. I will try to blog more.

I was missing from this blogging activities fro almost two months. Not that I do not have the story to tell but I am just dead busy to go in. Day and night. Day - attending to work in the office, Night - attending to the children. Amir does not complete his MBA yet. He rarely at home, sigh..... I feel like a single parent, in fact I think I am a single parent for almost two years now.

Today, I am going to start a blog journey on Abah. Abah has cancer. We just find out on the 23rd April 2007. Abah has been complaining that he has difficulty to pass motion. May be for the last six months or so. But the last two months were terrible. I asked him to come here for check up. He finally did come for check up. We did a test (ultra sound & x-ray)in SMC but couldn't find anything significant except he has a gallstone in the gallbladder. Other than that he is ok. The Dr wanted him to go for scope (kolonscopy). He refused but he promised to come back later. He did come back to do the scope but only after one month lapse from the first check up.

Before the procedure, he was asked to cleanse the kolon first by fasting and drinking the "fleet". The next morning, Abah, mak and I went to SMC to do the scope. Abah was asked to change his cloth while we waited outside. The procedure took almost two hours. While waiting, Mak and I went shopping at Tesco. I know Mak worried about Abah. After we had lunch, we went straight to SMC. Abah had completed the procedure, so we waited outside for him to change to his clothes back. He went down with Mak by the elevator while Dr Zainal requested me to walk with him through the staircase. I knew there's something terribly wrong. Mak also suspected it too. So Dr Zainal informed me that he found a tumor in Abah's colon and it is blocking the passage. Worst thing is that the tumor is suspected to be cancerous.

About Bibik lagi.
Yesterday night, we brought to see the doctor again. This time to check whether the prescribed pills suit her or not. Well, guess what her BP is 170/xx (can't remember what was the lower part reading) so doctor increase her dose to 150 mg per day. She has to take the pills three times a day. We showed doctor her pills from Indon (her son send it over the postal), but she needs to confirm the active ingredient first in her reference book. This morning, doctor called me and said that the pills is normally prescribed as anti-pyschotic pill to those who has mental illness and also to reduce the blood pressure for hypertension. Ayo, macam nak pitam dengar. She asked me to look sign for depressed, murung or anything that associate to depression. Called Amir immediately after that. Frankly, we just couldn't believe what we heard. I asked Amir whether we are willing to put lives of our children with someone like that.Sigh... God, help me.

On CMMI pulak:
We had our 2nd Taskforce meeting. We are getting desperate now. Things are so complacent with the status quo. We are not moving as fast as we should be. The EPG Lead was blaming the Poject Manager for not performing, not doing things that they need to do. Frankly, I did not agree with him. First of all, the EPG itself never had any meeting to monitor the implementation and the effectiveness. End of argument!! Don't blame anybody else. Period!!

Chinese New Year Weekend - On Saturday, dinner at mak's. Nothing much happened there. Since the kids no longer spend their spent there during the weekdays, I tried to make a point, they get to spend at least once a week at their grandparents' house. Nasib baik ada anak menantu yang baik nih!!, if harapkan Amir....alamatnya Sarah tak kenal Opah & Atuk.

Sunday, went to the Zoo with Fairuz & Ita. Fairuz brought along Anis & Aina. Ita with Aiman. The kids really enjoyed themselves. The mommies... I don't know. I lose my voice because of the sore throat, after the trip, I could not talked at all. Anyway, there's a lion dance show at the zoo at 2.00 pm. The kids were excited with the lion dance so of we went to watch them. As we were approaching the lion, suddenly one of the lion dancers ran towards Izzaty who was in her stroller. He pushed Izzaty towards the drum. I was running to get her back. Mata dia dah bulat of shock! Semua orang gelak. Anyway, while this thing happened, no one in our group realised it. I have to tell them what happened. Anyway, Izzaty claimed dia tak takut pun.

Photo - will be posted later.

Here photos of Aisyah, Izzaty & Sarah. Looking at the photos, there's no doubt they are sibling. All of them look like the father!!

Most of the memorable event have been taken by another event and yet I am still struggling to find time to update my blog. Today, it is so happened Sarah is still napping and I have done with the cooking an all.

My birthday was on 8th February, yes dah lepas, way way lepas. As usual, my dentist is the first one to wish me Happy Birthday. Without fail, every year!! Showed the sms to Amir, Ala... dia guna system!.. Well, at least he remembers to key in the date into the system. Now, all the tools dah ada!! HP, PDA or computer. Semua ada facility to remember important dates.

Anyway, went to the office, most of my friends wished me Happy Birthday. Arnifa gave birth to her lastest Powerpuff Girl at Annur, 3.40 am. Same birthday with me!!

That night, Aisyah and Izzaty wished me Happy Birthday after a special request made to Amir to tell the childen that it was my birthday. Received hugs and kisses from them.

Went to sleep, only to be waken up at 1.00 am. Amir baru masuk tidur. I told him, he still haven't wished me Happy Birthday. With a closed eyes, he wished Happy Bithday. When I asked him, what time it was. 1.30 am. I said, it's belated now.....

If he is in the running for the most unromantic, unappreciated, indifferent husband, he probably won by a landslide win!! Sigh.....

Aisyah & Izzaty Coloring Contest

Bawak Aisyah & Izzaty pegi Coloring Contest at Aisyah's tuition center. I only registered Aisyah only. While I was busy talking to Shaz and Anita on one program called Genius Gym, Aisyah melayan Izzaty. Later, I tengok, Izzaty dah duduk sebelah kakak dia, buat coloring. Dia pun masuk jugak. Teacher bagi dia color gambar buah. Segala jenis color ada, buah tembikai ada color purple and hitam. Mula-mula dia color dengan penuh semangat. Lama-lama muka dia semacam aje. I asked her, dah siap ke? she said dah. Dia nak hantar kat teacher. Tak siap lagi pun but I kata oklah, boleh hantar. I asked Aisyah to complete the coloring while I went with Izzaty kat bilik sebelah to eat. Then Izzaty kata dia nak sambung coloring lagi, so of we went to get the picture back. It went on like that 3 kali, finally, I sat down beside Izzaty, tolong habiskan coloring dia.

Both of them did not win anything but dapat goodie bags. Ambil sorang-sorang ambik goodie bag tu. Izzaty's face light up coz she thought she won something when teacher called up her name. Tak sempat nak ambik gambar pun.





Muka budak yang dah boring!!

Izzaty's Playgroup

Send Izzaty to her playgroup at 11.30 am. She really enjoyed the session but a bit shy when teacher Rahmah asked for her name. She really enjoyed the craft session. Habis comot, yang comot Ummi dia sebenarnya. After the session, there's cake and drink. I guess she was hungry, she ate three pieces which were quite big.



Since I have many things to do today, I have to log off dulu.

Went back to kampung on the 20 Jan 2006. BTW, it was Amir's birthday. Wish him Happy Birthday, siapkan baju-baju and barang-barang, of we went to kampung. Majlis Pertunangan Siti and kenduri aqiqah Sarah.

Ayus & the kids, Ija & Oya spent a night at my place. Azrin was away in India, buat testing for barang TNB. Mie tak balik, nak pindah rumah. Ina demam so orang di Melaka pun tak balik. Nor, memang tak boleh bergerak, ramai sangat yang bersekolah. Awie pun tak balik sebab kereta penuh. Suruh naik bas, tak nak. Disponsor pun tak nak balik.

Reach kampung at 2.30 pm.

Warning: not for a weak heart ---



Kambing yang disembelih untuk aqiqah Sarah.

Menu for the day: kambing masak kari, gulai lemak labu dengan ikan masin, ayam goreng, ulam timun & sambal belacan, ikan masin goreng.

Everything habis by petang. Tinggal kuah aje. Amir makan kepala kambing. Frankly, it was quite gross. Nasib baik gigi kambing tu dah dicabut. I was quite worried with Amir. Takut sakit dia returns.

Sarah was a good baby. She slept through the kenduri. Only bangun for feeding.



Gambar Sarah terbaru:



Rombongan meminang arrived at 1.00 pm.

Today is my first day at the office. So far so good, well.. nothing much is happening actually. Big Boss ada meeting, Small Boss is no where to be seen (may be ada in his office but I yang tak nampak).

I do not know what's in store for me this year. My roles and responsibility are very much the same like last year. I am still doing the same old thing - DCA. Frankly, I have been doing that 12-13 years ago, I am still doing it now, sigh.... give me a break. I need to find something new. I haven't discuss with Big Boss yet and I do not think I want to discuss anything with Small Boss. The things is I don't think he has any idea what to do with himself. Dia ni jenis blur skit or memang dia purposely buat blur (itu I tak tahu). I know he only has until May this year, whether the company wants to absorb him as permanent staff or not, I am not really sure.

Ok, personally I want to contribute in improving quality of works in the company. Probably I should start with the equipment management system I proposed last year. I want people to share information on what kind of equipment that they have. Probably expand the system to scientific tools and machinery too.

I have to do a lot of reading too since I have missed a lot of meeting, training and etc. So I think I should be doing that now instead of blogging!!

Went back to work yesterday. But not before kecoh-kecoh kat rumah dulu. As usual, bangun awal to mandi and solat. Sarah pun bangun jugak. Sigh... this little one is not like the sisters masa baby dulu. They never woke up as early as Sarah. So terpaksa bergilir dengan Amir untuk bersiap.

Turun bawah, express my breastmilk sambil menyusukan Sarah. She was still wide awake. So, terpaksa stop and serahkah Sarah to Bibik untuk tidurkan semula. Amir keluar beli breakfast. I have to wait for Kasim. Bibik Ah & Alya were coming to temankan Bibik kat rumah ni. Mak still did not trust her to handle the kids on her own. Well, nak buat macam mana. Tawakalillah ajelah.

After they came, I went straight to office, well... I went to CMMI workshop actually. Nak tahu apa perkembangan terbaru on CMMI since I have missed a bulk of it.

Went back home at 6.00 pm, the kids were all in one piece. Alhamdullilah. I said to Amir, probably tak payahlah ask Bibik Ah & Alya to come over to temankan Bibik ni. Sampai bila nak harapkan orang lain. Lagipun, Alya melalak sepanjang hari, Sarah pun susah untuk tidur. Lagipun, I monitor her bp. So far so good. Berserah pada Allah aje sekarang ni, mohon dilindungiNya my children.

I said to Bibik, if Sarah menangis sikit-skit tak apa. Then last night, while I was expressing my milk. I dengar Sarah menangis in her cot. Dengar Bibik kat dapur, kelentung kelantang dengan dirty dishes. Dia basuh pinggan and Sarah menangis. Ala.. Bibik ni, bila I kata it is ok for Sarah for cry skit-skit, does not mean it is ok for her to buat kerja lain and let Sarah cry unattended. Bila kita tegur, mulalah terkebil-kebil mata tu. Lama-lama I yang naik darah tinggi kalau macam ni.

My maternity leave is almost over. I will be coming back to office next week. Haaa.......

I started my final week of my maternity leave with a movie - Cinta. I have reviewed the movie in my previous posting.

Tuesday - I went for full body treatment package ~ sauna,mandi lulur, mandi susu and facial. How good it is to pamper oneself. Tak sempat nak pegi urut aje ni.

Wednesday - spent time with Izzaty. Bawak dia jalan-jalan. We really enjoy each other even though she was pestering me since morning to bawak her jalan-jalan (non-stop). Aisyah sekolah petang so kena see her off dulu.

Thursday - nak pegi rumah Fairuz then shopping... he he, bukan senang nak bersuka hati macam ni. I will be stuck with the kids, especially Sarah for the next two years! So might as well enjoy sakan now when I still have the chance.

Friday - I might do some baking ~ chocolate cake & apple pie. Then, probably p shopping lagi. Aah.. Amir just called, ambik surat beranak Sarah kat Pejabat Pendaftaran. Ok, may be cancelled the shopping. But I am definitely baking!

Ok, the review of Cinta:

Reach just in time for Cinta. Only 7 of us in the theater. The songs in the movie are all my favorite songs, so I already fell in love with the movie. IT IS called Cinta, right?!!

Anyway, the movie revolves around 5 love stories, all different stories but the director weave the stories so beautifully like a mat. Dato Rahim Razali and Fatimah Abu Bakar were superb.They don't have much dialog but their face expressions tell all. The most memorable dialog was from Dato : Isteri bukan hak milik tapi anugerah. Bukan senang nak cari orang yang boleh menerima buruk dan baik orang lain. That was beatiful.

Cinta antara Cikgu Elyas and Rubiah. Cinta yang tidak mengenal usia.Despite Cikgu Elyas's illness, Rubiah accept him as he is. This is the ultimate love between two beings.

In retrospect, when two people agrees to get married is to agree to accept each others' kelebihan and kekurangan. But it is not always that easy. How I wish Amir tengok this movie. May be we could learn something from Cikgu Elyas and Rubiah.

Cinta antara Azlan & Azura. Cinta yang tak mengenal kedudukan and pangkat. Cinta itu buta. When you are least expected to fall in love, you CAN fall in love.

These two characters did not impressed me that much. I can't understand what was wrong with Azlan. He is just a publisher, owner of a magazine. Nothing glamour about him. But if the movie shows the glamour life that he leads, probably it make sense a little bit. His character needs more. Fansha Sanda was ok.

Cinta antara Dyan & Dhani. This is the ultimate love between siblings. Dyan is trapped in love triangle with somebody's else husband. Dhani, a street painter who refuses to let his sister to help him. Most memorable dialog from Dhani - Sampai bila kakak nak bercinta dengan suami orang.

What can I say about Dyan & Dhani?!! Menyelami perasaan Dyan yang tersepit dengan cintanya makes me pity her. She becomes a slave to her love, accepting what comes. But her true love is to her brother. Menggadai nyawa for his brother.

Cinta antara Harris & Airin - Airin has everything, a romantic husband who adores her, loves her to death, beautiful daugther, perfect life that every women dreams of. But she walk out of that perfect life to be with her true love.

Sometimes, letting go someone that we really love is the best way of showing that we love them. That is exactly what Harris did.

Cinta antara Adriana & Taufiq - the theme of this love is to find true love.

For somebody lurus bendul like Taufiq - he deserves a lot better girl but as I said earlier Cinta itu Buta. If that is your true love, probably that is the best for you to accept it. There's no perfection in this world.Sharifah Armani was ok, I just feel a little bit weird when she hugs men (Khalif & Taufiq) in front of other people and not get frowned from other people. Ade ke orang buat macam tu?!!

As for me, I cried for most of the love stories in this movie (except for couple Azlan/Azura and Adriana/Taufiq. I have been warned to bring a lot of tissue which I did. I brought the whole package of tissue but only use 1 piece. I just let my tears flow!!!...

For a Malay movie, Cinta is a different type of Malay movie. It was beatiful movie. The way the story line is presented is different style. You can see some the characters in a same scene but not exactly berlakon with each other.

Out of 5 stars - I am giving Cinta a 4. If they can brush up a little bit kisah Cinta Azlan/Azura & Adriana/Taufiq - I might give another star to make it a perfect 5!!

Last Saturday bawak Bibik pegi jumpa doctor lagi. Dah turun her bp ~ 140 (I can't remember the lower one). The doctor was satisfied with the reading but she had to prescribed the pills which Bibik was taking now. That ubat is expensive, about RM160 per month. That is like almost half of Bibik's salary. Betullah dia kata, dia datang kerja sini untuk beli ubat aje. Habis apa nak buat. She is not supposed to have that in the first place. Nak kata dia tension duduk kat sini, dia nak tension apa. Semuanya provided for. Kerja bukan banyak nak buat. My house ~ taklah berkilat-kilat bersih, toilet ~ I still have to berus lagi, masak ~ I still have to masak, Bibik cuma goreng ikan and masak sayur aje. Nak kata I marah-marah and berleter ~ tak ada rasanya. I asked the doctor to write a prescription, I cuma nak beli kat pharmacy aje through a friend of mine. Boleh dapat cheaper.

I have to play doctor to check Bibik's bp every morning. So far so good. If naik lagi, I don't know what to say and do lagi.

Today, I send Bibik with the two younger daugthers to mak's place. Biar dia jaga kat rumah mak. I have to wait for Kakak till she goes to school at 1 pm. Then, rasanya nak pegi tengok wayang, nak tengok Cinta if ada lagi ditayangkan. I will give a review later.

Frankly, I want to enjoy myself. I think I deserve it. If no one appreciate me, might as well, appreciate diri sendiri. Do I sound frustrated and sad? Actually I am. After two months of slavery (layan baby tak kira masa and tempat), I feel I have drained myself. Hubby? Tak tahulah nak cakap macam mana. He is at another galaxy eventhough he is physically on earth. I can't reach to him anymore. I can't talk to him in the same wavelength anymore. We just don't talk anymore. That's all I can say.....

It would be nice to hear something nice from your love one or receive something nice, it doesn't have to be expensive. It brings tear to my eyes bila teringatkan memori lama. Not many but adalah. Tak tahulah what will be my feeling when I see Cinta nanti. Teringat Dato Rahim Razali dalam promo Cinta = "Isteri bukanlah hak milik tapi satu anugerah". How many husband feels that way?.......

Last night bawak Bibik pegi check up lagi. Darah tinggi dia naik lagi. This time 180/100. Rupanya dia stop taking the medicine as prescribed, instead dia listened to "Doctor" ayah. Apa lagi naik semulalah. Doctor dok marah dia coz stop taking the medicine as prescribed. Pandai-pandai merawat diri sendiri. Doctor dok meleter kat dia, dia datang sini nak jaga anak orang tapi tak jaga kesihatan diri and bla bla bla lagi. The next morning, bibik menangis and mengadu, tak pernah doctor di Indon marah pada dia. Kenapa doctor di sini marah-marah pada pesakit, lebih-lebih lagi pesakit darah tinggi. Macam mana nak sembuh and bla bla bla.... Geram betul kat Bibik ni. Kita cakap yang betul, memandai pulak dia salahkan and condem the doctor. Ingat dia tu sapa kat sini nak mengajar doctor tu macam mana nak handle patient. In the first place yang tak ikut cakap doctor tu makan ubat 2 kali sehari, kenapa?!

I asked her again, I ni garang sangat ke? Dia kata tak. Puan ni baiklah, bla bla bla tapi dia takut buat salah. Tak tahulah nak cakap apa dengan orang bodoh macam ni. Mulalah bahasa ni kasar skit. Kemudian dia cerita, geng-geng Indon yang dia jumpa kat playground cakap majikan Malaysia ni, jahat-jahat. Habis tu, I tanya dia percaya ke? Nak tahu apa jawapnya, Bibik ni orang baru, mestilah Bibik percaya.

Tak tahulah apa nak buat. Kami ni dipermainkan dengan maid ajelah. I ungkitkan pasal Malaysian majikan maukan maid yang sihat dan umur yang tak terlalu tua. Nak tahu apa dia cakap, kenapa dia masih diambik jika tahu dia ada darah tinggi. Dia kata dia tak salah, yang salah tu Neneng kerana Neneng cakap bila ke Malaysia ni nanti darah tinggi tu sembuh, dia hanya akan jaga 2 orang anak yang sudah besar. Walaupun nanti ada baby, baby tu akan diasuh di rumah pengasuh 2~3 bulan dulu. Amboi.... banyak cantik muka. Dia ingat kita ni Donald Trump ke? Bill Gates ke? Sekarang ni macam dia cakap kami pulak yang bodoh ambik dia as maid even tahu dia ada darah tinggi. To think about it, memang kami ni bodoh!! Sekarang sapa yang merana, muka nilah jugak. Maid cakap belit-belit pun percaya.

I tanya dia lagi, Bibik ni ada keyakinan ke nak jaga baby sorang-sorang. Tak dijawapnya. Dia dok cerita dia risau what if darah tingginya tak sembuh, cakap pasal nak bayar hutang dia dululah, cakap pasal nak balik Indon. Amboi, kita dah berhabis duit, dia nak Indon pulak. Dia juga cakap pasal nanti dia kerja untuk bayar ubat aje nanti if dia tak baik-baik. Balik Indon, masih tak ade duit. Betullah tu. Hari tu, RM30.00, semalam another RM30.00. Next Saturday, ada lagi appointment jumpa doctor. Gaji separuh habis kat situ aje. Jangan mimpilah nak bawak duit banyak ke Indon nanti.

Frankly, I do not know what to do lagi. Terpaksa terimalah hakikatnya, my maid is incompetence. Terpaksa terima hakikatnya kami bodoh dipermainkan oleh maid sendiri!!!

God help me!!!

I am back after Hari Raya Aidil Adha break in Jerantut. First time after my confinement was over. Sarah was a good baby. Tak meragam travelling jauh-jauh. Anyway, Bibik tak balik, we all tinggalkan dia kat rumah mak. Tak kuasa nak layan dia lagi, dengan darah tinggi dia tak baik lagi tu, lebih baik dia rehat kat rumah mak aje. Yang naik pitam, sapa lagi. Kitalah, kena layan Sarah and Izzaty. Itu tak masuk bab Amir yang buat perangai jugak. Nasib baik Aisyah tak banyak kerenah, dah pandai bawak diri.

Pagi Hari Raya, siapkan pakaian. Amir pegi sembahyang raya. Siapkan Izzaty and Sarah. Pakaikan Izzaty baju kurung kuning, puas pulak nak memujuknya. Manage to take photo of her dengan muka dia nak menangis coz tak nak pakai baju tu. She ended up with t-shirt and jeans. Siapkan Sarah with her first baju raya - overall Disney baby dengan gambar mickey mouse. Ingatkan, we all nak siap-siap pegi rumah Pak Teh Bakar but tak berhenti-henti orang datang rumah. Kesudahannya, we all beraya dalam bilik aje, tidur!! Gambar Hari Raya nanti akan diuploadkan sedikit lagi.

6.30 pm baru berjaya pergi beraya. Itupun dengan Amir yang tak mandi and tak solat lagi. Geram betul, kita dah cakap berulang-ulang kali nak pegi rumah pak Teh Bakar, dia buat tak tahu aje. At the end, I pegi dgn mak abah and anak-anak. Dia tinggal kat rumah. Azrin n Ayus ikut kemudian. Amir still tak siap lagi. Malu betul rasanya bila pak Teh tanya mana Amir. Kita nak tanya pasal hukum hakam binatang aqiqah Sarah pada Ustaz Azhan, anak Pak Teh tu. Kambing yang ada tu betina, abah is not sure whether kambing betina boleh ke tidak. He asked Azmir, another anak Pak Teh yang pernah belajar kat Iraq and sekarang jadi lecturer kat Ikip. Azmir cakap lebih afdal kambing jantan but he asked abah to check with Azhan. The verdict - tiada tertulis dalam any kitab yang kambing betina tak boleh. The only syarat for aqiqah and korban is that binatang sembelih yang cukup umur and tidak bunting. So, kambing betina tu bolehlah dibuat aqiqah. The aqiqah akan dibuat on 21 Jan ketika kenduri tunang Siti.

Amyway, here's gambar Izzaty yang meragam tak nak pakai baju kurung. Itu baju kurung dia yang ketiga, yang dia pilih sendiri after the first two dia reject.