I think I have grown way too big overnight. I am already at 28 weeks. Suddenly the faucet in the sink is too far to reach, either my tummy grown too big or my hands become shorter. I can no longer wash the dishes comfortably without having to drench myself or washing the dishes sideways!!. Amir helped me with the dishes last Saturday. While he was busy arranging the clean dishes into the cabinet, he actually bumped into me on the tummy. Adooi, main langgar aje dengan bekas-bekas plastik tu. Nasib baik, kalau pinggan kaca sure lagi sakit.

I am reading a book by Tash Aw - The Harmony Silk Factory. Sesuai dengan the upcoming Merdeka Day. It is a story about a man who became a communist. Interestingly enough, today in the web site, somebody brought the issue of PKM and their roles in Merdeka.

Posted by Khiru in the General Forum but he did not qoute his source:
Pejuang kemerdekaan sebenar Antaranya ialah Ibrahim Yaakub, Ishak Hj Muhammad, Shamsiah Fakeh, Dr. Buhanuddin Al-Helmy, Ahmad Boestamam dan Abu Bakar Baqir. Mereka memimpin pertubuhan-pertubuhan yang dikenali sebagai Kesatuan Melayu Muda (KMM), Parti Kebangsaan Melayu Malaya (PKMM), Angkatan Pemuda Insaf (API), Angkatan Wanita Sedar (AWAS) dan Hizbul Muslimin (Ini adalah kumpulan pejuang kemerdekaan dalam golongan tradisi pertama). Oleh kerana sikap tokoh-tokoh dan pertubuhan-pertubuhan kiri ini tidak mahu bekerjasama dengan pihak penjajah malah, mereka yang menentang penjajah habis-habisan, maka mereka ditekan, ditangkap dan dipenjara bertahun-tahun. Berikutan pengisytiharan darurat pada 20 Jun 1948 (British telah mengharamkan parti-parti politik yang keras menentang mereka) ruang telah terbuka luas kepada UMNO, MCA dan MIC di bawah pimpinan Tunku Abdul Rahman , Tun Abdul Razak, Tun Tan Cheng Lock dan Tun S. Sambanthan melanjutkan tuntutan kemerdekaan. Pihak Inggeris merasa lebih senang dan selamat untuk menyerahkan kemerdekaan kepada Perikatan (UMNO, MCA dan MIC) kerana mereka sanggup bekerjasama, berkompromi dan menjaga kepentingan ekonomi penjajah.(Ini adalah kumpulan pejuang kemerdekaan dalam golongan tradisi kedua). Begitu juga sejarah tidak boleh menafikan hakikat bahawa Parti Komunis Malaya (PKM) juga berperanan dalam menuntut kemerdekaan sejak mula ia ditubuhkan (Mei 1930 di Kuala Pilah Negeri Sembilan; merupakan parti politik pertama di Tanah Melayu yang sudah ada jaringan antarabangsa dengan kehadiran Ho Chi Minh dari Vietnam pada tarikh penubuhannya). Pada zaman penjajahan Jepun, Chin Peng dan anak buahnya adalah antara kumpulan yang paling berani menentang Jepun. Adakah boleh ditolak peranan PKM menentang penjajah? Mereka ini duduk di tengah-tengah hutan, tidur berlantaikan tanah berbumbungkan langit untuk memerangi Jepun dan mencari kemerdekaan sebenar. Wajarkah peranan mereka tidak diperakui kini? Perjuangan PKM tidak terhenti setakat menentang penjajahan Jepun, tetapi mereka juga mengangkat senjata untuk menentang penjajah British bagi menuntut kemerdekaan. Tidak dinafikan mereka berjuang mendapatkan kemerdekaan untuk membentuk satu bentuk penjajahan baru dengan doktrin komunisme untuk menubuhkan sebuah negara komunis (yang sama sekali ditolak masyarakat Melayu dan Islam) tetapi, usahasama dan gandingan perjuangan mereka untuk membebaskan Tanah Melayu dari penjajah wajarkah dinafikan.


Tommorrow, I will post something on this. I need to find my source first. Biography of M.Said (Singaporean Politician) ada menyentuh pasal PKM ini. Why PKM carried the guerilla war in Malaya at that time was because the British mengharamkan Parti ini untuk bergerak secara sah. Let me confirmed with my source first.

Kakak woke me up at 4.00 am this morning.

"Kakak demam"

I felt her head and her head was burning. Amir went down to find fever medicine.

"Kakak main panas kat Taman Jaya semalam ye?"

Budak-budak ni memang puteri lilin, bukan boleh main panas. Nasib baik Adik ok.

"Adik nak milk"

Amir went down again to make Adik her milk.

"Kalau Kakak nak muntah, cepat-cepat pegi bilik air"

Adik pun menyampuk "Kakak jangan takut tau". I gelak dengar Adik pesan pada Kakak dia.

Anyway, I could hardly sleep afterward. Sedar-sedar dah 7.30 am. Kelam-kabut bangun, nasib baik cuti sekolah..

Mak Eti got married yesterday. Wish her all the best and semoga kekal hingga ke akhir hayat. That's all I want to write about her.

Adik and Kakak ikut rombongan Pak Lang jalan-jalan. They went to Pusat Sains Negara. Ita told me they left at 2.00 pm coz the kids are uncontrollable. Everybody was everywhere, Adik already her way there so she only went to places she wanted to go. Emak dah naik pening coz she also have to look after the other kids. There's 14 kids altogether with 6 adults.

Pak Lang left last night for Ipoh.

Ezah's Wedding at Kak Yong's house. Being the eldest, Kak Yong was marrying off her youngest sister. The wedding was ok, the lauk-pauk were so good. Eight pokok kelapa dikorbankan utk masak lemak umbut. The rendang was very good. I didn't get to tapau the rendang which was too bad because it was so good. Anyway, Ezah was wearing purdah. Izzaty tak puas hati as she was not the usual pengantin that Izzaty used to see.

"kenapa dia tutup muka dia?"

"Sebab dia malu"

"Mana tiara dia?"

"Dia tak pakai"

She obviously not satisfied with the pengantin.

"Adik nak pegi shopping"

Adik fell from the sofa onto the floor. Benjol with 1-inch diameter. Bibir atas luka sikit. I was upstairs. Kakak was so panicked that she actually carried Adik all the way up. Adik was wailing her heart out. Apply minyak gamat and a cold water in a plastic bag. When I asked what happened to Kakak, Kakak said Adik lompat-lompat atas sofa. Salah sendiri tak apa. Next time jangan lompat lagi.

May came to install the blind and curtain. Finally after 4 months of putting of the project, my new renovated living hall and room have a curtain. She tested all the lamp fixtures and ceiling fan,everything is ok. No short curcuit. Later in the evening, I tested again and boom, the lights went off. I told Amir and he promised to have a look. But frankly I don't know in what year he will take a look on the lights!!

I was angry with Amir last night. Finally, I got to see his photo taken during his Uganda trip. Could see that he's having fun over there. One of the photos taken on a cliff of a river of waterfall. He was standing beside a lady (wearing sleeveless with low cut that showed her cleavage!!) and his hand was on that lady's shoulder. Amboi... with me pun, he didn't do that in public. Punyalah menggelegak hati ni. Tersengih- sengih bila I bising. Patutlah, everytime I ask about the photo, he said the photo is not ready. He said he has to put his hand there coz it is very windy and they were standing on a very high cliff. I don't care, he didn't have to stand beside that lady. I didn't get mad that long because I am too sleepy and tired. This morning, he left for Temerloh and only be back in the evening. See, I nak sambung marah pun tak boleh.

CK send Strawberi cicah Coklat. Here goes:

Chocolate Covered Strawberries
(from Hershey's website)

Ingredients:

2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) HERSHEY'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
2 tablespoons shortening(do not use butter, margarine, spread or oil)*
Fresh strawberries, with stems, rinsed and patted dry

Directions:


1. Cover tray with wax paper.

2. Place chocolate chips and shortening in medium microwave-safe bowl. Microwave at HIGH (100%) 1-1/2 minutes or just until chips are melted and mixture is smooth when stirred; cool slightly.

3. Holding strawberry by top, dip 2/3 of each berry into chocolate mixture; shake gently to remove excess. Place on prepared tray.

4. Refrigerate until coating is firm, about 30 minutes. Store, covered, in refrigerator. Coats about 5 dozen small strawberries. (About 1 cup coating)

*Butter, margarine and spreads contain water which may prevent chocolate from melting properly; oil may prevent chocolate from forming a coating.

Nak cari gambar CK download tak jumpa pulak. Anyway, Adik dah bising suruh I buat Strawberry celop oops cicah coklat. Mana dia tahu pun tak tahulah. May be I will try weekend ni.

Ini Noradlina Alia. 6-day old. For somebody whose mother had a difficult pregnancy throughout the nine-month, she is something. So cute and so cubby. Hidung mancung, a healthy 3.2 kg, born through C-section at 36 weeks.

Birthday party kakak was yesterday. Memang penat but worth of organizing it. Kakak had so much fun with her friends but I had to jemput her friends coz she had promised them to pick them up. But I managed to jemput two of her friends only. Nasib baik anak-anak neighbour ada datang.

Izzaty was so upset coz she did not get any present. Finally, dia 'kidnap' one present Kakak. Kesian dia jugak coz I never organize any birthday party for her. May be next year when she turns 4, I will throw one birthday party for her.

12 August - Ainurul's wedding.

Cukup meriah. Ada live show featuring Nash of Lefthanded. He was the MC. Took a picture of him masa dia nyanyi lagu Syurga di Wajahmu. Ainurul was so her. Her husband looked in dazed!! The food was good, ada ais cendul, buah rambutan and air bandung (the most sedap I ever tasted since majlis hari raya di TMR&D in 1998). Adik wants to eat everything she saw. Amir did not go as he has to finished up his assignment. Siti ikut sekali.

Went to Makro to buy stuff for Kakak's birthday party. Reached home quite late. I was so exhausted from the kenduri and the shopping, I slept until almost Maghrib. Amir called saying he was at PC Fair in KLCC. I thought he was in Shah Alam. Well, he tuang class dia hari tu coz tak siap assignment. He said he's going to be late. I ordered pizza.

He came back at 10 pm. Senyum-senyum. I knew he had bought something at PC Fair tu. I was ready for bed at 12 midnight, Amir senyum-senyum bawak masuk lap top, scanner, entah apa lagi accessories yang dia beli at PC Fair into the room. Patutlah senyum-senyum, shopping sakan rupanya. At almost 3.00 am, he was still on his new lap top.

I am playing with the technique to post photos on my blog. So if you see everything is everywhere, please forgive me. I am still new to this thing. Frankly, it is exciting to be able to write something on the blog, all my frustration & my excitement. Frankly, I do not like my blog look likes but good enough for now. I haven't advertise my blog to many people yet, still 'malu' and another thing is that I don't have anything really interesting to share. Anyway, these photos were taken in early Mar 2006, just before I found out that I am pregnant. We had a whale of good time in PSN (Pusat Sains Negara in Bukit Kiara). I went again with Fairuz & the kids later. And the ticket was really cheap. RM3.00 for the kids and RM6.00 for adults. Aina & Izzaty went in for free.

School holiday is coming. I don't think we are going anywhere. Amir ada class. But having a birthday party for Aisyah is good enough for her, I think. Nak belikan dia basikal as she has outgrown the old one. I have to get two, one for Adik. Let's see how this entry turn out to be. Please don't give up on me, I will improve this blog.

Amir is still suffering from the gaut. I have to prepare him vegetarian meal, he can't take any protein at all. The day before, I made him vege tom yam, yesterday I cooked sambal kentang. Today, I run out of idea. Cooking has become a nightmare. I have to prepare three versions of the main dish. The day I cooked tom yam, I made spicy vege tom yam for Amir, non-spicy chicken tom yam for the kids and really spicy tom yam campur for me. Yesterday, I made sambal potato for Amir and sambal potato + kacang + ikan bilis for me. As for the kids, I fried chicken drum stick. For today's menu, I am going to surf the internet to find all vege dish recipe.

Amir is not a believer in the alternative medicine. It was weird as his arwah opah had the ability to mengubat orang. Not that I asked him to see the bomoh or faith healer but may be he could try homeopathy, aura something something, in fact he can try the Indian altenative medicine which is really popular right now.

I remembered his arwah opah used to ubatkan berpuluh-puluh orang yang datang ke rumah dia di kampung. Now that she had passed away, Mak Usu have the ability. I have asked Mak Usu to ubatkan Amir. She prepared two bottles of minyak to be rubbed on the foot yang sakit tu, Amir did not bother to apply them.

I never underestand how Arwah Opah and Mak Usu had the ability to ubatkan orang. From what I know, they had the ability to communicate with the other world. So it was not actually arwah opah or Mak Usu yang ubatkan orang but somebody else called Mak Yah. It was told that Mak Yah ni actually people like us but was taken away by orang bunian from the womb or at birth. Mak Yah is related to arwah Opah's family or something like that. I've 'met' Mak Yah when I was carrying Kakak. She came by to Mak's house after being called by arwah Opah. I didn't actually 'see' her as she was inside arwah Opah's body. Amir asked her the sex of my baby (masa tu tak scan lagi). She answered: "Tak pegi check dengan doktor ke?". She didn't know!! We invited her to eat dinner but she said she already full, makan rambutan.

There're some occasions which I couldn't comprehend when Arwah Opah sakit before she passed away. Somebody called Tok Melaka came and entered her body. Tok Melaka ni nak ubatkan Arwah Opah. It was weird. I got a little scared as Aisyah was still a baby. Takut dia lemah semangat. I think Tok Melaka ni yang tolong Mak masa dia kecurian duit years back.

Whatever it is, I think we have to believe that there is another world. It's said in the AlQuran. Whether we can see it or not, that's anugerah tuhan. If He lifts the hijab for us to see the other world, I don't think we can sleep in peace. Why I say that, I don't know............

Today is the 61-year marks the Nagasaki Atomic Bombing. No, I am not over yet with the Atomic Bomb stories. Here a statistic that I get from the internet:

DAMAGE CAUSED BY THE ATOMIC BOMB EXPLOSION in Nagasaki
· Levelled Area...................6.7 million square meters
· Damaged Houses:
Completely Burned ------11,574
Completely Destroyed-----1,326
Badly Damaged------------5,509
Total-------------------18,409
· Casualties
Killed------73,884
Injured-----74,909
Total------148,793
(Large numbers of people died in the following years from the effects of radioactive poisoning.)

As a conclusion: Stop the war, abolish nuclear weapon, have more compassion, love the earth. We only have one chance!!

Anyway, I am busy preparing birthday party for Kakak this weekend. Thought of ordering mee hoon goreng and roti jala form Kak Nor. Unfortunately, she also preparing a birthday party for her cucu. Nampaknya kena cari orang lain tolong buatkan. Ordered cup cakes form Mijae. She's going to arrange them jadi one big birthday cake. Kakak is excited with the party. I think the last time we had for her when she was two or three-year. It has been a long time. This year kena buat for her as she is going to transfer to a new school next year. Amir won't be around to help me with the party. Mak will be at a kenduri tengahari tu. Tak tahulah, how I am going to manage.

Miza dah bersalin yesterday at Putrajaya Hospital. Baby girl, 3.2 kg, C-section. She was due to have the C-section on the 18 August. Well, I guess her baby nak keluar awal. Her husband was at a course in Intan, couldn't manage to contact him so she was in the operation theather alone. Mak datang much later as Ayah was not around. Kesian betul. I am sure she would be traumatized empat lima tahun nak beranak lagi. She had a difficult pregnancies. Anyway, congratulation to her and hubby. Finally, dpt baby girl after dua tahun kahwin and have to undergo treatment to conceive. I am waiting for my turn tapi lambat lagi..... aaahhhhh

I have to make correction and clarification to the figure I wrote on the Hiroshima Atomic Bomb casualties. 220,000 is the number of casualties within 5 years after the bombing. Probably 150,000 people died instantly on the day of the bombing (I have to check the statistic first!!). Anyway, numbers are nothing compared to the suffering. I watched on Discovery Channel last Monday (half way through though). It was an event that no human being should experience in their lifetime. It was a lesson for every human being. It was just too much to bear even after 61 years. Nuclear War is not a solution. It will only lead to destruction of human being. With the wars around the world, we are not far from that.

Story from Hiroshima (http://www.pcf.city.hiroshima.jp/index_e2.html):

Hey look, a Parachute!

The eerie air-raid warning wailed like a curse from the bottom of the soul. We struggled in and out of the shelter several times, but finally another night of terror faded into dawn. The dawn of August 6, 1945.The day arrived burning hot. We were living in Daiya-cho at the time, and it was my turn to represent our neighborhood as a volunteer demolishing buildings for fire lanes. My husband, who worked for the Chugoku Shimbun (our local daily newspaper), had rushed to work when the air-raid warning sounded. He was still not home. I was so tired I had to force myself to eat breakfast. My husband would probably get home first, so I set the table and put his lunch out before I left.We were to assemble at 7:30. The volunteer group was mostly women; one was in her sixties. We had been under an air-raid warning since early morning, but that had become a daily routine. We felt no particular fear. The warning was lifted on the way.Our job was clearing away debris left by demolition work in Tsurumi-cho. Due to start at 8:00, we crossed the Tsurumi Bridge in a line. About 30 meters after crossing the bridge, we heard the sharp buzzing sound of an airplane. We were used to the contradiction of enemy planes overhead just after an all-clear siren. We couldn't quite tell how high it was, but the silvery wings reflecting the fierce rays of the sun glinted blindingly. An airplane as pretty as a silver treasure slowly flying from east to west in the cloudless, pure blue sky, emitting a gentle drone. I watched it for awhile with my hand shading my eyes.Somewhere, a voice said, "Hey look, it's a parachute! A parachute is falling." I instinctively looked where the person pointed. That's when it happened. Just where I was looking, the sky exploded with an indescribable light. It was like fire burning my eyes. I could say it was like the strange bluish-purple sparks that burst above streetcars at night, only a hundred billion times brighter. But that wouldn't be right either.I don't know which came first, the light or the deafening roar that echoed in the pit of my stomach, but I was instantly thrown hard to the ground. At the same time, things were raining down on my head and shoulders. Everything was pitch black. I could see nothing. I remember thinking that the event I had been preparing for every day for so long had finally arrived.Just then, the three children that I had sent to the countryside appeared clearly before my eyes. With a sudden irresistible impulse I struggled forcefully to get up. I threw off pieces of wood and roof tile one after another, but they kept falling and piling up on me. I couldn't get free. "I can't die. What will the children do? My husband may be dead. I have to get out of here. . . ." I desperately clawed my way out.I noticed a foul smell in the air I was breathing. "Must have been an incendiary phosphor bomb." I absentmindedly wiped my face and nose with the towel still stuck in my waistband. That was when I first knew something was wrong with my face. When I wiped it, the skin peeled off. Oh! My hand! The skin on my right hand, from the second joint to the fingertips, was peeling off and hanging strangely. On my left hand too, the skin was peeling all the way from the wrist to the tips of all five fingers.From the depths of my soul I groaned, "Oh, no. I'm burned." I knew my face must be the same as my hands. When I was desperately fighting off the pieces of wood earlier, I had injured my burned face and hands. "I'm finished," I thought. I sat down right there. Then I noticed that no one was around. Where were all the volunteers in that line with me? Suddenly, driven by a terror that would not permit inaction, I started to run for my life. I say "run," but I had no idea where the road was. Everything was covered in wood and tiles so I had no idea which way to go.Such a bright morning until a moment ago, what in the world could have happened? Now we were under a thin cover of darkness, just like dusk. The dull haze, as if my eyes were covered with mist, made me wonder if I were losing my mind. Looking around unsteadily, I saw something that looked like people running on the bridge."That's Tsurumi Bridge. If I don't get over it right away, I'll lose my chance to escape," I thought. Jumping over trees and rocks like a crazy person, I ran toward Tsurumi Bridge. When I arrived, I saw a horrifying spectacle. Countless bodies squirming and writhing in the flow of people and water under the bridge. Their faces were gray and so swollen I couldn't tell male from female. Hair stood straight up. Arms waved in the air. Voices groaned wordlessly. They were jumping into the river one after another. The strong ray had burned my work pants to rags, and my whole body was in agony, so I was preparing to jump in with them when I remembered that I couldn't swim. I returned to the bridge and crossed it. I shouted encouragement to a girl student who was wandering about aimlessly like a sleepwalker. "Hurry, hurry." When I turned around I saw that the whole city from what I thought was Takeya-cho to Hatchobori was a solid sheet of flames. Calling out the names of my three children in turn, I encouraged myself over and over, saying, "Mother will not die. Mother will be all right." Looking back, I simply cannot remember where or how I ran. But the many pitiful sights I saw on the way are etched in my brain.At one point I saw a person who must have been a mother drenched in bright red blood from her face to her shoulders. Repeatedly calling, "Baby boy, my baby boy!" she was trying with all her strength to rush into a burning house. A man was desperately struggling to hold her back. Like a mad woman she screamed, "Let me go! Let me go, our son will die!" A ghastly scene from the depths of hell.I vaguely sensed that I had followed a streetcar street, so I probably had found my way to the Eastern Drill Grounds by way of Matoba Street. When I crossed Kohjin Bridge (I had no idea what bridge it was at the time), its sturdy railing of concrete and iron was gone, probably blown off. The bridge was extremely unstable. Below the bridge, corpses were floating by like dead dogs and cats, their shreds of clothing dangling like rags. In the shoals near the bank I saw a woman floating face up, her chest gouged out and gushing blood. Could such terrifying sights be of this world? Suddenly, I lost strength and had to sit right in the middle of the drill ground.Even considering the several wrong streets I went down between Tsurumi Bridge and the Eastern Drill Grounds, less than two hours must have passed. The darkness had faded a bit, but the sun remained behind a thick cloud which covered the city with gloom. I gradually became aware that my burns were painful-not the sort of unbearable pain that most burns cause, but a dull pain that seemed to come from some distant place, not my own body. A yellow secretion oozed from both of my hands where the skin was peeled off. It would grow into drops the size of small peas, then drip off. I'm sure my face was equally grotesque. All around me, junior high girls and boys from another volunteer corps writhing on the ground. They seemed crazed, crying, "Mother, mother." As my eyes took in the cruel sight of their burns and gaping wounds, so horrible I couldn't bare to look at them, an enormous rage welled up from deep within, but I didn't know where to direct it. Even these innocent children.... Crying for their mothers, first one, then another breathed his or her last. All I could do was look at them.I gathered all the strength in my flickering body and soul and fell in line with people heading toward the mountains. Probably about 3 pm, having been utterly lethargic for some time, I sat down. As I gazed around with what was left of my eyesight, I could tell that the station and all of Atago-cho had become a sea of fire. I felt lucky to have escaped.Gradually, my face grew stiff. Gently touching my cheeks with both hands, I measured with my eyes the distance between my hands as I took them away and saw that my face had swollen to about twice its normal size. My vision was more and more restricted. "Oh, no, soon I won't be able to see. Could I have come this far only to die here?" I got up and walked around the foot of the mountain until I came out at Hesaka Village. Stretcher after stretcher came by carrying the injured. Carts and trucks drove by full of injured people and corpses that looked more like monsters. On both sides of the road, many people wobbled this way and that, as if sleepwalking. I realized that while I could still see a little I needed to find a safe place where I would not be hit by a truck and could quietly trust myself to fate. Peering here and there through barely open eyes, I saw my own sister squatting and resting. "Sister, sister, help me....." Without thinking I ran toward her. My sister at first looked at me doubtfully. Finally she recognized me. "Futaba-chan, you look......" She couldn't say any more, and just held me."Sister, I can't see any more. Please take me to my children."In a faltering, quivering voice she said, "Don't worry. I won't let you die. I'm taking you home." Then, looking again at my burns, she said, "You poor thing!" Tears falling, she helped me rest on some soft grass. I have never felt more keenly the wondrous blessing of family. If I had not met my sister just then, I don't think I would have survived. She had light injuries on her head and one foot, but was basically fine.Lying next to my sister, perhaps I let down my guard. In any case, I was soon completely blind. I could no longer stand either. The sun had set. Wearing only burned and tattered work pants, I was getting cold. My sister went off and somehow came back with a small vegetable cart. She put me on it and said we were going to the relief station at Yaga Elementary School, over four kilometers away. I think I began to realize that along with my eyesight my strength was waning."I don't want to die. I don't want to die without seeing my children again." I desperately wanted to live. I can't express the hardship my sister must have endured during our two days at that relief station. I was mostly unconscious. I'm told that for two nights I was screaming, "Hurry and take me to my children." The doctor said I was hopeless, and since I was going to die anyway it might as well be with my children. So at my strong request, I was carried on a stretcher and put on a Geibi Line train for home. I arrived at Kamisugi-mura, the home of my relatives, on August 8. The local doctor came immediately to see me but said, "This is very bad," and declared me beyond hope. That evening, my children, who had been sent to stay with other relatives eight kilometers away, arrived at last. When I heard their voices scream, "Mommy!" I felt rescued from the depths of hell."I'm okay. These burns are nothing much." And I cried as the children I had missed so much came and clung to me. From that night, my fourteen-year-old oldest daughter Noriko dressed my face and hands with bandages and never left the side of her immobile mother. On the 11th, four days after returning to the countryside, I was quietly preparing myself to give up and die when my husband arrived, having tracked me down. The children cried tears of joy as they surrounded their father. At that time my suffering was so bad I found brief solace thinking, "Ah, good. Now if they lose their mother they'll still have their father." And I was happy. Then, in the morning of the 13th, three days after finding us, my husband, who had no serious injuries at all, began vomiting blood. Then he was gone, leaving behind a wife unsure she would see another day and his three beloved children. Our little boy sat near my pillow crying, "Mommy." I almost bled with grief, and even now as I recall that time, the tears flow."My poor children. I can't die now. I can't leave them orphans." With all my heart I prayed to the spirit of my husband, asking for help. Over and over, I was told I had no hope, but miraculously, I lived.My eyes opened surprisingly quickly. By about the 20th day, I was able to see my children's faces, but even as summer turned to fall, the burns on my face and hands remained raw and oozing. The flesh looked like ripe, mashed tomatoes. I was unable to form any skin. I finally got up out of my bed in early October. I stood on my own feet and walked again in December. After the new year came I was finally able to take the bandages off, but I was not the person I used to be.The earlobe on my left ear was shrunk to half its normal size. My left cheek, from my mouth to my neck, was bunched and disfigured by keloids the size of my palm. A keloid about 5 centimeters long ran from the second joint on my right hand to my little finger. The fingers of my left hand were webbed and welded together near the root. I was barely recognizable, deformed. I held my three children and wondered how we would get by. The soaring postwar prices and other hardships of that time bore down on us.In April 1947, just before losing our last source of livelihood, we were saved by the Chugoku Shimbun where my husband had worked. I will never forget my joy when they hired me.

Taken from "Bombing Eye-witness Accounts," the first collection of eye-witness accounts published in 1950 by Hiroshima City
The writer, Futaba Kitayama, was 33 at the time of the bombing and was on a street between demolished buildings in Tsurumi-cho, 1,700 meters from the hypocenter.

p/s: I am trying to post some of the photos from the Hiroshima bombing but unable to do so.

Friday 4/8/2006:

Went to Alamanda and bought Kakak her birthday present. The present was supposedly from Adik. Wrapped it up with Adik when Kakak went to her tuition. Adik was complaining Kakak balik lambat sangat from her tuition class. It was only 9.30 pm. Adik wanted to give Kakak the present so much.When Kakak muncul depan pintu at 10.15 pm, Adik straight away wished her Happy Birthday and gave Kakak the present. Buku cerita - all mystery books. At her age, I have read most of the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, Enid Blyton and I enjoyed them so much. I hope Kakak will enjoy them too.

Saturday, 5/8/2006

It's Kakak Birthday. My first born. We did not have anything as I was planning to have the party next Saturday at Mak's. Nak jemput all her school friends since she's going to transfer to a new school next year (if we manage to get a maid).

Amir's class was cancelled at the last minute. I was kelam kabut preparing lunch when he told me his class was cancelled. I got a thank you kiss on the cheek...Pandai jugak hubby aku ni ambik hati. Itupun after I complaint the night before that he did not know how to show affection. Whatever it is, I love him for what he is. Even though sometimes rasa menyampah and geram bila dia buat tak tahu, buat busy tak tentu pasal and suka menyemakkan the floor with newspaper yang dia baca.

Sunday, 6/8/2006

61-year ago, the first atomic bomb was dropped above Hiroshima. More than 220,000 people died from the blast. Three days later, The US dropped a second atomic bomb over Nagasaki. Six days later, Japan surrended. The WWII ended.

With the war that is going on in Lubnan and Palestine, I don't know what the future's going to be. Will my children live to see their old ages? Or will it be like children in Lubnan and Palestine? I am worried. Day after day, we read the news, 28 people were killed when two Isreali bombs hit, 16 of that were children. 21 people were killed when they fleed from their villages, 13 of that number were children. Anak-anak syurga. That's the only comfort that we have. What about those who did not die? What about those who lost their parents? Ya Allah, kurniakanlah mereka ketabahan and kekuatan, tetapkanlah iman mereka and kurniakanlah mereka kemenangan yang hakiki. Amin.