I have subscribed to streamyx a few weeks ago. Mula-mula memang rasa nak marah coz banyak sangat problem to access to the network with my laptop. Mintak tolong dengan agent yang set up the modem etc but he said that would be chargeable. Tak payahlah. Finally Amir buat sendiri. Memang seronok compared to dial up. I can read email much faster, access to my blog page much faster. Yang seronoknya can send photo, upload photo with ease. The only constraint is I have to be near to the modem and berebut dengan Amir to access the internet. Last week, Amir beli wireless router. Now, I am so mobile. Boleh access to internet di mana sudut rumah. Last Sunday, Amir jemput Bob and Din datang rumah untuk secure the network. Bibik masak sambal tempe, goreng ikan tenggiri, sayur tauge, ulam-ulam with budu. Berselera betul dia orang makan.

Anyway, back to my streamyx experience. Kalau nampak banyak posting in my blog ni adalah kerana I can access to my blog much easily. Sambil tunggu Sarah, boleh blog. Then petang tadi dapat sms from Celcom to campaign and introduce Family and Friends to streamyx. Dapat hadiah. Well, bukan tak mahu tapi malu sebenarnya. I am lucky because Amir and I tahu pasal computer and internet and what-not. Boleh mintak tolong dengan friends (free lagi) if ada problem.

2 Jan 2007:

I have written quite a long posting regarding my friends and my streamyx experience, unfortunately was unable to save it when the 7.1 magnitude earth quake struck Taiwan. Internet connectivity was downed and there goes my posting!!

Photos of Sarah. From birth until nak cukur rambut. Latest gambar belum ada lagi. Now, sibuk dgn problem bibik.

Today Sarah cukur rambut. Tak ubah macam Amir. All my daugthers look like the father. Anyway, the photo later.

Bibik already started her training to handle Sarah. FENIN! FENIN! She is so lembab,just do everything without thinking, need to told everything and lupa segala benda. I got annoyed with her. Finally, I snapped!! Mulalah sedih and menangis. Aduh!! I have enough of these nonsense. I already paid so much to bring her in, nak menangis pulak. Petang tu mulalah pening. Mata bengkak sampai malam.

The next day, we bring her to see doctor to check on her darah tinggi. She has been complaining sakit kepala and gastrik. Her BP is 200/106. Doctor advised her to be warded. Aduh, FENIN. I have to membela my own maid pulak ni. I said to the doctor, we want ubat aje, we couldn't afford to sent her to the hospital. Serik betullah ambik orang macam ni. I never want her originally. Amir insisted to take her. Now we have to tanggung maid punya treatment and medication.

Bibik still pening even after makan ubat tu. The doctor already warned her that the headache will continue until she finish up all the pill. Next week, there will be another check up.

I dah bising dengan Amir that we have paid so much for her already. Amir nak suruh dia rehat, tak payah buat kerja berat. Yelah tu, I paid so much money for the maid to have a vacation in Malaysia!! Whatever it is, I wont let her dukung Sarah. Manalah tau, tiba-tiba pengsan pulak. Yang susah siapa?! Geram betul rasanya.

More stories on Sarah, after a week, she had jaundice which is quite high. Dr Zul recommended her to be warded but he also gave another option. Rent the phototheraphy equipment at home. I said to Amir, I don't want to be warded as I was still not feeling very well. I needed urut and makan minum kena jaga. Who's going to take care of me while I took care of Sarah? So, we called the number given by Dr Zul and the equipment was delivered to the home that afternoon.

Sarah tidur menonggeng under the light. She cried her hearts out bila tutup mata dia. Finally, terpaksa guna filter saje. Kejap-kejap, she disappeared under the filter, I have to tarik her keluar. Her body is so small, she could menyorok bawah filter tu.

Ini Sarah, a few minute after the birth. Muka kakak # 1, mata kakak # 2.

The name, Amir yang pilih. I did not have the chance to name her. I guess he already knew that I was carrying a girl. Anyway, Amir did not register the name for almost two weeks from the birth, coz he wanted it to be spelt Mysara. I said to him, our daugther is not MyKad, I wanted the name to be spelt Maisarah. Mentang-mentang dia drive MyV. Then dia tak nak letak Amira, I said to him, later if Sarah tanya kenapa nama dia tak ade Amira like the sisters, apa nak jawap. At last Amir kata, he wanted to change the name to something else. But I already fell in love with the name. Everybody else dah panggil dia Sarah. So, finally after almost two weeks and much persuasion and endorsement from mak & abah, mak & ayah, it is Amira Maisarah.

I have delivered a beatiful baby girl - Maisarah on 14th November 2006. Sarah for short. It was the most traumatic birth experience ever for me. I already had two but this one was beyond my word to describe it. Even, my first one is bearable, eventhough I had to endure more than 12 hours of pain and discomfort.

It was an induced labor. I could hardly walk properly. I was already on leave since after hari raya. That Friday, Dr Siti advised me to check in to the ward on Monday as she had detected two strong contractions within half an hour. I was willingly to be induced as the final weeks was too tiring for me already. I could hardly sleep at night anymore.

I was put on the medication at 8.30 am. Had my first real contraction at 9.00 am and it went on and on until 7.30 pm. That was the time I asked for pain killer. My first pain killer. I never had any during my first two except the gas in the labor room. Kuat tak? So the contraction at 5 min apart went on and on, then the 1 min apart also went on and on. I was checked by the nurse every hour, itu yang tak larat sekali tu. By 11.30 pm, I was only dilating 3 cm. Ayo... memang boleh mati mcm ni. Well of courselah I tak mati. 12 pm or so, Dr Siti asked me to go to the labor room. Guess what after she checked on me, she said may be not yet, I have to back to the ward. False Alarm.

But 12.00 pm onward, I was in so much pain that I asked for another pain killer!!! Amir was with me all the time. He was also in pain everytime I had my contraction. He was holding my hand, well I held his hand actually. So every times there's a contraction, I would squeeze his hand and yet he never complaint or cried out loud that I had squeeze his hand too hard. After I delivered, barulah tanya dia sakit ke and he said yes. Sorry dear but nothing really compared to what I experienced.

12.30 am, I was wheeled into the labor room AGAIN! This time for real, I was in so much pain that I could not open my eyes on my way to the labor room pun. Dr Siti was no where in the labor room, obviously she's still at home. The labor was not that long, by 1 am I already felt the baby was coming out. I was screaming asking where's the doctor. My water broke. Then I saw Dr Siti, she hardly have time to put on the plastic apfron on her, I was already pushing the baby. At that time, tak kiralah, doctor sempat ke tidak to sambut the baby. I just wanted her to be out!! Suddenly, Amir kata baby dah keluar. Sarah was delivered at 1.58 am. Everything else after that is a bit blur. The placenta was out not long after that. I then realized that my legs was not on the stirrup, I do not know how much damage I had done to the "down there" but I might have done considerably damage to it.

Anyway, I was wheeled to my ward with Sarah on my side. Sarah was put in the nursery. I could hardly sleep after that though I tried. Amir obviously very tired. Dia tidur dengan lenanya, dengan berdengkur lagi on the extra bed that we requested.

The next morning, Dr Siti came to check on me.

Dr: You cepat betul pagi tadi, I bawak kereta macam in Formula 1!!

well, apa nak buat, my baby dah nak keluar sgt!!

Yesterday, mak buat open house. I didn't help her to prepare for the open house. Came to her house at 3.00 pm with Kasim. Dah tak larat nak tolong pun. I am already 38 weeks, normally dah beranak in my previous two pregnancies! Anyway, Dr Siti said I will have another one more weeks. Last Wednesday, she said I am already dilating about 2 cms. I did experience mild contraction but not too intense. Came back to see her on Friday, I could hardly walk. Nothing much changes so I might have to wait for another week. She will be away for 5 days, Dr Yin (again!) will cover for her. Siap pesan lagi, jangan beranak in the morning, she (Dr Siti) will be around only after 5 pm. Well, both of my kids keluar in the morning so this time around tak tahulah.

I am still on leave, may be sambung terus with my maternity leave. I am already in 37 weeks, so I hope it won't be long. I am so uncomfortable. Anyway, today tak pegi mana-mana as Amir already started work and Aisyah starts schooling today. But tommorrow, she doesn't want to go to school. Dia kata ramai yang tak datang and dah tak belajar. Well, she already had the final exam before Hari Raya. Taha datang rumah hantar laptop. Thank you very much. I gave him tiga biji buah mangga. Buah mangga depan rumah. Pokok tu berbuah masa puasa, I guess budak-budak yang biasanya ambik buah mangga tu, either tak ade tinggal lagi sini or sebab rasa berdosa ambik buah tu masa bulan puasa. Tak tahulah but kami merasalah buah tu masak. Kalau tak, memang sempat tengok aje. Paling hebat, sempat ambik yang muda, buat kerabu.

Anyway, life has been so monotonous. Nothing much to do except browse internet. baca newspaper and masak. Yes, I cook. Since Bibik ada untuk tolong, rajinlah jugak untuk masak sebab ada orang kemas.

See you in a bit. Doakan I beranak cepat skit and of course dgn selamatlah.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all. Sekiranya ada salah dan silap,mohon maaf dari hujung rambut hinggga hujung kaki.

A day before Raya:

Last night, mak, ayah, opah, Ain and Bibik Ah datang bertandang ke rumah for bukak puasa and menghantar rendang and kuah kacang. Bibik telah dihantar ke rumah mak early in the morning to help mak prepare for the rendang and kuah kacang. I stayed home to prepare for the bukak puasa. Started cooking at 3.30 pm and completed everything by 5.30 pm. Bukak puasa was good with lots of dishes yang tak terhabis dimakan. Well, everybody was tired with the raya preparation. Earlier, Amir went to rumah Wan Nyah to prepare lemang. I did not know that he ordered 3 batang lemang. I already ordered 30 bijik of ketupat daun palas from Kak Nafisah. Nasib baik I ordered the smaller version.

After the bukak puasa, we received a sad news from kampung. Anak Mak Dak, Fuad passed away in an accident with water buffalo (kerbau). He was going to Gopeng to buy himself baju raya after bukak puasa and solat. Tengah jalan, dia berlanggar dengan kerbau yang sedang tidur atas jalan. Ayah bercerita, a few years back, Fuad kena tanduk kerbau. Lama dia kat hospital. Kesudahannya, dia mati terlanggar kerbau pulak. Kalau dah tertulis di Azali lagi, apa nak buat. But the things was, we felt a little bit funny (probably insensitive) to the fact that Fuad's fate has got to do with kerbau!! Anyway, mak and ayah will be going back to kampung menziarah Mak Dak. I was obviously tak baliklah, I am already in my 36 weeks & 4 days!!

24 October 2006

Hari Raya........ called mak kat kampung. All the men went to masjid for sembahyang raya. Mak tak sempat nak ikut dia orang. Tinggallah all the ladies kat rumah. Mintak ampun and all, berkirim salam pada semua before I put down the phone. Boring betul raya ni. We were waiting for mak and ayah to come to our house, before heading to rumah Ayah Nyah.

Bibik telefon Indonesia to speak with her family. Apa lagi, hujan di pagi rayalah, Kakak bagi sekotak tissue pada Bibik. So sorrylah, I eavesdropped her conversation. Adalah yang I faham.

Bibik:

Tuan & Puan amat baik, belikan baju and tudung. Ummi (she called herself ummi jugak) yang pilih sendiri. Ibu puan jugak amat baik. Tak dibagi buat kerja, tidak penat. Tengok TB (TV)......bla-bla, bla-bla........

he he, frankly, since dia pun tak bergaji lagi, I felt oblige to buy her something. In fact I guess those are the benefits as an employer to give to the employee. Yelah, makan minum, barang-barang personal and medical tu semuanya covered. Once a year, bonus in term of baju raya, probably one month salary paid in December coz she got no leave or any off day on Sunday.

Mak and ayah sampai at 11.00 am, We went straight to rumah Ayah Nyah. My goodness, ramainya orang. All his anak-anak except Yop Edi and kak Yong, all his cucu were there. Ambik-ambik gambar, bagi duit raya to the kids etc etc(the usual stuff). Then we went to rumah Opah Mizun kat Hulu Langat. Stayed there until almost 2.30 pm. Bibik dah resah gelisah nak balik. Yelah, dia tak kenal sapa-sapa. Thought of nak pegi rumah kak Yong kat Bangi lepas tu, I said to Amir, Bibik dah resah nak balik rumah and kita pun tak sembahyang lagi. We went straight home and spent the whole afternoon, membuta!!! What a hari raya, tak ada kick langsung!!

25 Oct 2006

The whole morning was, basically nothing happen. Kakak dah resah gelisah nak pegi jalan. Amir ajak pegi rumah Kak Yong lepas zohor nanti. Bibik tak nak ikut. Fine with me, I am getting bored myself. Nasib baik ada Amir's laptop ni so here I am......

See you in a bit if I tak beranak lagi. Frankly, I am so uncomfortable, my belly is so huge, I could hardly sleep at night and my mouth feel bitter all the time, I can't wait actually.

Memang malas nak update blog sekarang ni. Tak ade cerita except cerita my Bibik Indon. So far, oklah rajin memang rajin sampai I naik annoyed asyik tanya ada kerja lagi ke nak buat. Weekend lepas, dia pi basuh kerata. Tak suruh pun tapi bila bangun tidur, kereta tu dah berkilat. Dia basuh pakai pun tak tahu. Lupa nak tanya. Cakap kat Amir, bibik basuh kereta. Dia kata tak payahlah suruh, bukan I suruh, Bibik was up from 4.00 am, semua dia dah buat. By 9.00 am, dia dah complete semua. Dia nampak kereta tu kotor, dia basuhlah. I said to Amir, biarlah.

Hari tu, Bibik tanya koran di atas tu mau dibuang atau tidak. I said, buat apa nak buang Al Quran. Itu koran, Bibik tunjuk newspaper yang I sedang baca. Ooo, oklah, hantar kat belakang for re-cycle. Ingatkan nak buang Al Quran. Dia still guna term Indon.

Hari raya tahun ni tak dapat nak balik kampung. I am too pregnant to go back. Hati tu larat but my body said no. So I guess this year berhari raya rumah sendirilah, then pegi rumah parents Amir. Miza and Ita also balik rumah keluarga mertua masing-masing. Tinggal we all aje kat sini. Kakak dah upset tak dapat balik, dia nak ikut Ija balik kampung. I said no. Kita raya sama-sama as a family.

All barang-barang for hari raya dah ok. barang-barang for baby jugak dah ok except a few things. Bilik for the baby jugak dah ok. The day before, pasang air con. I guess now is the waiting time. Memang tak larat dah but I nak raya dulu, so baby tunggu after hari raya kalau nak keluar pun. Ummi nak makan rendang, ketupat and kuah kacang dulu!!

Nothing much happened except busy bagi training kat Bibik. Until now, she still tak pandai nak hidupkan api dapur.

Aduh, Bibik. Kamu jangan tekan keras-keras.

Adik dah mula mesra dgn Bibik. Siap jealous lagi if Aiman sit on Bibik's lap. Setakat ini, ok lagi. Rumah pun dah terurus, cuma Bibik tak berani nak naik atas lagi. Bilik Kakak and Adik still tak berapa kemas. My room tu ok, I kemas sendiri cuma need her to sapu and mop.

Setakat ni masih berupaya to berpuasa. This year memang break any puasa record, I cook!! Well, Amir pun tak boleh nak makan sebarangan. I have to cook. Tulah, orang kata. sayangkan laki, sanggup masak bersusah payah walaupun badan dah tak larat. Nasib baik ada Bibik untuk kemaskan dapur lepas masak.

Today, my schoolmate ada bukak puasa do at Rebung, itu Chef Ismail punya restaurant. Seronoknya if dapat pegi. Fairuz will be going, tumpang Fe.

Oklah, don't know what to write lagi. Sudah kekeringan idea. Nothing interesting happen pun lately.

Wou, I miss the whole month of September to blog. No excuse, simply malas nak update.

Today is the ninth day of Ramadhan. Masih kuat and sihat to berpuasa. Alhamdullilah. Kakak missed two days of puasa. Weekend was tough on her coz Adik eats and drinks in front of her.

I finally have Bibik Indon. She came on the 26th September. Picked her up from the airport with Amir. Masih lurus bendul. First day arrival sudah start training. Training is everyday after sahur. Penat jugak jadi mentor ni. Semua tak tahu, so training includes simple things as hidupkan api dapur, bukak suis lampu and electrical items. Nasib baik tak bebal sgt. Washing machine dah boleh operate sendiri after dua kali tunjuk.

The first week, cuci rumah. From mopping, to basuh bilik air (Yang ini Bibik buatlah). Separuh mati jugak dibuatnya. Sampah and barang-barang yang patut dibuang punyalah banyak. The kids are still at rumah Cik Mu so senang skit Bibik kemasa rumah dulu. Now my house berkilat-kilat memancar kebersihannya. Maklumlah mana pernah dimop tiap-tiap hari. Bilik air masih boleh improve lagi keberkilatannya.

Anyway, Bibik still tak pandai nak hidupkan api dapur tu. I tak bagi dia masak lagi tapi dah train guna microwave. So far yang itu pass. Sahur, she will heat up eveything in the microwave. Ringan skit beban mak ni. "Mem" besar ni turun makan aje. Cuci and kemas, Bibik yang buat.

This was my conversation with Bibik yesterday:

Bibik: Puan, saya mau mintak tolong sama Puan untuk dapatkan itu apa ya orang disini panggil. Itu untuk tahu tanggal.

Mem: Apa tu?

Bibik: Tanggal

Mem: Tangkal? Kamu mau buat apa dengan tangkal?

Bibik: Mau digantung.

Mem: TANGKAL?!!

Bibik: Itu, kalau kita mau tahu hari nya berapa haribulan.. Hari kemarin, rame orang ke masjid, rupa-rupa solat Jumaat...

Mem: Kamu mau kalendar?

Bibik: Iya, kalendar..

Waduh, bikin kaget aja Bibik ni, ingatkan nak tangkal rupanya nak kalendar utk tahu tanggal.

I think I have grown way too big overnight. I am already at 28 weeks. Suddenly the faucet in the sink is too far to reach, either my tummy grown too big or my hands become shorter. I can no longer wash the dishes comfortably without having to drench myself or washing the dishes sideways!!. Amir helped me with the dishes last Saturday. While he was busy arranging the clean dishes into the cabinet, he actually bumped into me on the tummy. Adooi, main langgar aje dengan bekas-bekas plastik tu. Nasib baik, kalau pinggan kaca sure lagi sakit.

I am reading a book by Tash Aw - The Harmony Silk Factory. Sesuai dengan the upcoming Merdeka Day. It is a story about a man who became a communist. Interestingly enough, today in the web site, somebody brought the issue of PKM and their roles in Merdeka.

Posted by Khiru in the General Forum but he did not qoute his source:
Pejuang kemerdekaan sebenar Antaranya ialah Ibrahim Yaakub, Ishak Hj Muhammad, Shamsiah Fakeh, Dr. Buhanuddin Al-Helmy, Ahmad Boestamam dan Abu Bakar Baqir. Mereka memimpin pertubuhan-pertubuhan yang dikenali sebagai Kesatuan Melayu Muda (KMM), Parti Kebangsaan Melayu Malaya (PKMM), Angkatan Pemuda Insaf (API), Angkatan Wanita Sedar (AWAS) dan Hizbul Muslimin (Ini adalah kumpulan pejuang kemerdekaan dalam golongan tradisi pertama). Oleh kerana sikap tokoh-tokoh dan pertubuhan-pertubuhan kiri ini tidak mahu bekerjasama dengan pihak penjajah malah, mereka yang menentang penjajah habis-habisan, maka mereka ditekan, ditangkap dan dipenjara bertahun-tahun. Berikutan pengisytiharan darurat pada 20 Jun 1948 (British telah mengharamkan parti-parti politik yang keras menentang mereka) ruang telah terbuka luas kepada UMNO, MCA dan MIC di bawah pimpinan Tunku Abdul Rahman , Tun Abdul Razak, Tun Tan Cheng Lock dan Tun S. Sambanthan melanjutkan tuntutan kemerdekaan. Pihak Inggeris merasa lebih senang dan selamat untuk menyerahkan kemerdekaan kepada Perikatan (UMNO, MCA dan MIC) kerana mereka sanggup bekerjasama, berkompromi dan menjaga kepentingan ekonomi penjajah.(Ini adalah kumpulan pejuang kemerdekaan dalam golongan tradisi kedua). Begitu juga sejarah tidak boleh menafikan hakikat bahawa Parti Komunis Malaya (PKM) juga berperanan dalam menuntut kemerdekaan sejak mula ia ditubuhkan (Mei 1930 di Kuala Pilah Negeri Sembilan; merupakan parti politik pertama di Tanah Melayu yang sudah ada jaringan antarabangsa dengan kehadiran Ho Chi Minh dari Vietnam pada tarikh penubuhannya). Pada zaman penjajahan Jepun, Chin Peng dan anak buahnya adalah antara kumpulan yang paling berani menentang Jepun. Adakah boleh ditolak peranan PKM menentang penjajah? Mereka ini duduk di tengah-tengah hutan, tidur berlantaikan tanah berbumbungkan langit untuk memerangi Jepun dan mencari kemerdekaan sebenar. Wajarkah peranan mereka tidak diperakui kini? Perjuangan PKM tidak terhenti setakat menentang penjajahan Jepun, tetapi mereka juga mengangkat senjata untuk menentang penjajah British bagi menuntut kemerdekaan. Tidak dinafikan mereka berjuang mendapatkan kemerdekaan untuk membentuk satu bentuk penjajahan baru dengan doktrin komunisme untuk menubuhkan sebuah negara komunis (yang sama sekali ditolak masyarakat Melayu dan Islam) tetapi, usahasama dan gandingan perjuangan mereka untuk membebaskan Tanah Melayu dari penjajah wajarkah dinafikan.


Tommorrow, I will post something on this. I need to find my source first. Biography of M.Said (Singaporean Politician) ada menyentuh pasal PKM ini. Why PKM carried the guerilla war in Malaya at that time was because the British mengharamkan Parti ini untuk bergerak secara sah. Let me confirmed with my source first.

Kakak woke me up at 4.00 am this morning.

"Kakak demam"

I felt her head and her head was burning. Amir went down to find fever medicine.

"Kakak main panas kat Taman Jaya semalam ye?"

Budak-budak ni memang puteri lilin, bukan boleh main panas. Nasib baik Adik ok.

"Adik nak milk"

Amir went down again to make Adik her milk.

"Kalau Kakak nak muntah, cepat-cepat pegi bilik air"

Adik pun menyampuk "Kakak jangan takut tau". I gelak dengar Adik pesan pada Kakak dia.

Anyway, I could hardly sleep afterward. Sedar-sedar dah 7.30 am. Kelam-kabut bangun, nasib baik cuti sekolah..

Mak Eti got married yesterday. Wish her all the best and semoga kekal hingga ke akhir hayat. That's all I want to write about her.

Adik and Kakak ikut rombongan Pak Lang jalan-jalan. They went to Pusat Sains Negara. Ita told me they left at 2.00 pm coz the kids are uncontrollable. Everybody was everywhere, Adik already her way there so she only went to places she wanted to go. Emak dah naik pening coz she also have to look after the other kids. There's 14 kids altogether with 6 adults.

Pak Lang left last night for Ipoh.

Ezah's Wedding at Kak Yong's house. Being the eldest, Kak Yong was marrying off her youngest sister. The wedding was ok, the lauk-pauk were so good. Eight pokok kelapa dikorbankan utk masak lemak umbut. The rendang was very good. I didn't get to tapau the rendang which was too bad because it was so good. Anyway, Ezah was wearing purdah. Izzaty tak puas hati as she was not the usual pengantin that Izzaty used to see.

"kenapa dia tutup muka dia?"

"Sebab dia malu"

"Mana tiara dia?"

"Dia tak pakai"

She obviously not satisfied with the pengantin.

"Adik nak pegi shopping"

Adik fell from the sofa onto the floor. Benjol with 1-inch diameter. Bibir atas luka sikit. I was upstairs. Kakak was so panicked that she actually carried Adik all the way up. Adik was wailing her heart out. Apply minyak gamat and a cold water in a plastic bag. When I asked what happened to Kakak, Kakak said Adik lompat-lompat atas sofa. Salah sendiri tak apa. Next time jangan lompat lagi.

May came to install the blind and curtain. Finally after 4 months of putting of the project, my new renovated living hall and room have a curtain. She tested all the lamp fixtures and ceiling fan,everything is ok. No short curcuit. Later in the evening, I tested again and boom, the lights went off. I told Amir and he promised to have a look. But frankly I don't know in what year he will take a look on the lights!!

I was angry with Amir last night. Finally, I got to see his photo taken during his Uganda trip. Could see that he's having fun over there. One of the photos taken on a cliff of a river of waterfall. He was standing beside a lady (wearing sleeveless with low cut that showed her cleavage!!) and his hand was on that lady's shoulder. Amboi... with me pun, he didn't do that in public. Punyalah menggelegak hati ni. Tersengih- sengih bila I bising. Patutlah, everytime I ask about the photo, he said the photo is not ready. He said he has to put his hand there coz it is very windy and they were standing on a very high cliff. I don't care, he didn't have to stand beside that lady. I didn't get mad that long because I am too sleepy and tired. This morning, he left for Temerloh and only be back in the evening. See, I nak sambung marah pun tak boleh.

CK send Strawberi cicah Coklat. Here goes:

Chocolate Covered Strawberries
(from Hershey's website)

Ingredients:

2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) HERSHEY'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
2 tablespoons shortening(do not use butter, margarine, spread or oil)*
Fresh strawberries, with stems, rinsed and patted dry

Directions:


1. Cover tray with wax paper.

2. Place chocolate chips and shortening in medium microwave-safe bowl. Microwave at HIGH (100%) 1-1/2 minutes or just until chips are melted and mixture is smooth when stirred; cool slightly.

3. Holding strawberry by top, dip 2/3 of each berry into chocolate mixture; shake gently to remove excess. Place on prepared tray.

4. Refrigerate until coating is firm, about 30 minutes. Store, covered, in refrigerator. Coats about 5 dozen small strawberries. (About 1 cup coating)

*Butter, margarine and spreads contain water which may prevent chocolate from melting properly; oil may prevent chocolate from forming a coating.

Nak cari gambar CK download tak jumpa pulak. Anyway, Adik dah bising suruh I buat Strawberry celop oops cicah coklat. Mana dia tahu pun tak tahulah. May be I will try weekend ni.

Ini Noradlina Alia. 6-day old. For somebody whose mother had a difficult pregnancy throughout the nine-month, she is something. So cute and so cubby. Hidung mancung, a healthy 3.2 kg, born through C-section at 36 weeks.

Birthday party kakak was yesterday. Memang penat but worth of organizing it. Kakak had so much fun with her friends but I had to jemput her friends coz she had promised them to pick them up. But I managed to jemput two of her friends only. Nasib baik anak-anak neighbour ada datang.

Izzaty was so upset coz she did not get any present. Finally, dia 'kidnap' one present Kakak. Kesian dia jugak coz I never organize any birthday party for her. May be next year when she turns 4, I will throw one birthday party for her.

12 August - Ainurul's wedding.

Cukup meriah. Ada live show featuring Nash of Lefthanded. He was the MC. Took a picture of him masa dia nyanyi lagu Syurga di Wajahmu. Ainurul was so her. Her husband looked in dazed!! The food was good, ada ais cendul, buah rambutan and air bandung (the most sedap I ever tasted since majlis hari raya di TMR&D in 1998). Adik wants to eat everything she saw. Amir did not go as he has to finished up his assignment. Siti ikut sekali.

Went to Makro to buy stuff for Kakak's birthday party. Reached home quite late. I was so exhausted from the kenduri and the shopping, I slept until almost Maghrib. Amir called saying he was at PC Fair in KLCC. I thought he was in Shah Alam. Well, he tuang class dia hari tu coz tak siap assignment. He said he's going to be late. I ordered pizza.

He came back at 10 pm. Senyum-senyum. I knew he had bought something at PC Fair tu. I was ready for bed at 12 midnight, Amir senyum-senyum bawak masuk lap top, scanner, entah apa lagi accessories yang dia beli at PC Fair into the room. Patutlah senyum-senyum, shopping sakan rupanya. At almost 3.00 am, he was still on his new lap top.

I am playing with the technique to post photos on my blog. So if you see everything is everywhere, please forgive me. I am still new to this thing. Frankly, it is exciting to be able to write something on the blog, all my frustration & my excitement. Frankly, I do not like my blog look likes but good enough for now. I haven't advertise my blog to many people yet, still 'malu' and another thing is that I don't have anything really interesting to share. Anyway, these photos were taken in early Mar 2006, just before I found out that I am pregnant. We had a whale of good time in PSN (Pusat Sains Negara in Bukit Kiara). I went again with Fairuz & the kids later. And the ticket was really cheap. RM3.00 for the kids and RM6.00 for adults. Aina & Izzaty went in for free.

School holiday is coming. I don't think we are going anywhere. Amir ada class. But having a birthday party for Aisyah is good enough for her, I think. Nak belikan dia basikal as she has outgrown the old one. I have to get two, one for Adik. Let's see how this entry turn out to be. Please don't give up on me, I will improve this blog.

Amir is still suffering from the gaut. I have to prepare him vegetarian meal, he can't take any protein at all. The day before, I made him vege tom yam, yesterday I cooked sambal kentang. Today, I run out of idea. Cooking has become a nightmare. I have to prepare three versions of the main dish. The day I cooked tom yam, I made spicy vege tom yam for Amir, non-spicy chicken tom yam for the kids and really spicy tom yam campur for me. Yesterday, I made sambal potato for Amir and sambal potato + kacang + ikan bilis for me. As for the kids, I fried chicken drum stick. For today's menu, I am going to surf the internet to find all vege dish recipe.

Amir is not a believer in the alternative medicine. It was weird as his arwah opah had the ability to mengubat orang. Not that I asked him to see the bomoh or faith healer but may be he could try homeopathy, aura something something, in fact he can try the Indian altenative medicine which is really popular right now.

I remembered his arwah opah used to ubatkan berpuluh-puluh orang yang datang ke rumah dia di kampung. Now that she had passed away, Mak Usu have the ability. I have asked Mak Usu to ubatkan Amir. She prepared two bottles of minyak to be rubbed on the foot yang sakit tu, Amir did not bother to apply them.

I never underestand how Arwah Opah and Mak Usu had the ability to ubatkan orang. From what I know, they had the ability to communicate with the other world. So it was not actually arwah opah or Mak Usu yang ubatkan orang but somebody else called Mak Yah. It was told that Mak Yah ni actually people like us but was taken away by orang bunian from the womb or at birth. Mak Yah is related to arwah Opah's family or something like that. I've 'met' Mak Yah when I was carrying Kakak. She came by to Mak's house after being called by arwah Opah. I didn't actually 'see' her as she was inside arwah Opah's body. Amir asked her the sex of my baby (masa tu tak scan lagi). She answered: "Tak pegi check dengan doktor ke?". She didn't know!! We invited her to eat dinner but she said she already full, makan rambutan.

There're some occasions which I couldn't comprehend when Arwah Opah sakit before she passed away. Somebody called Tok Melaka came and entered her body. Tok Melaka ni nak ubatkan Arwah Opah. It was weird. I got a little scared as Aisyah was still a baby. Takut dia lemah semangat. I think Tok Melaka ni yang tolong Mak masa dia kecurian duit years back.

Whatever it is, I think we have to believe that there is another world. It's said in the AlQuran. Whether we can see it or not, that's anugerah tuhan. If He lifts the hijab for us to see the other world, I don't think we can sleep in peace. Why I say that, I don't know............

Today is the 61-year marks the Nagasaki Atomic Bombing. No, I am not over yet with the Atomic Bomb stories. Here a statistic that I get from the internet:

DAMAGE CAUSED BY THE ATOMIC BOMB EXPLOSION in Nagasaki
· Levelled Area...................6.7 million square meters
· Damaged Houses:
Completely Burned ------11,574
Completely Destroyed-----1,326
Badly Damaged------------5,509
Total-------------------18,409
· Casualties
Killed------73,884
Injured-----74,909
Total------148,793
(Large numbers of people died in the following years from the effects of radioactive poisoning.)

As a conclusion: Stop the war, abolish nuclear weapon, have more compassion, love the earth. We only have one chance!!

Anyway, I am busy preparing birthday party for Kakak this weekend. Thought of ordering mee hoon goreng and roti jala form Kak Nor. Unfortunately, she also preparing a birthday party for her cucu. Nampaknya kena cari orang lain tolong buatkan. Ordered cup cakes form Mijae. She's going to arrange them jadi one big birthday cake. Kakak is excited with the party. I think the last time we had for her when she was two or three-year. It has been a long time. This year kena buat for her as she is going to transfer to a new school next year. Amir won't be around to help me with the party. Mak will be at a kenduri tengahari tu. Tak tahulah, how I am going to manage.

Miza dah bersalin yesterday at Putrajaya Hospital. Baby girl, 3.2 kg, C-section. She was due to have the C-section on the 18 August. Well, I guess her baby nak keluar awal. Her husband was at a course in Intan, couldn't manage to contact him so she was in the operation theather alone. Mak datang much later as Ayah was not around. Kesian betul. I am sure she would be traumatized empat lima tahun nak beranak lagi. She had a difficult pregnancies. Anyway, congratulation to her and hubby. Finally, dpt baby girl after dua tahun kahwin and have to undergo treatment to conceive. I am waiting for my turn tapi lambat lagi..... aaahhhhh

I have to make correction and clarification to the figure I wrote on the Hiroshima Atomic Bomb casualties. 220,000 is the number of casualties within 5 years after the bombing. Probably 150,000 people died instantly on the day of the bombing (I have to check the statistic first!!). Anyway, numbers are nothing compared to the suffering. I watched on Discovery Channel last Monday (half way through though). It was an event that no human being should experience in their lifetime. It was a lesson for every human being. It was just too much to bear even after 61 years. Nuclear War is not a solution. It will only lead to destruction of human being. With the wars around the world, we are not far from that.

Story from Hiroshima (http://www.pcf.city.hiroshima.jp/index_e2.html):

Hey look, a Parachute!

The eerie air-raid warning wailed like a curse from the bottom of the soul. We struggled in and out of the shelter several times, but finally another night of terror faded into dawn. The dawn of August 6, 1945.The day arrived burning hot. We were living in Daiya-cho at the time, and it was my turn to represent our neighborhood as a volunteer demolishing buildings for fire lanes. My husband, who worked for the Chugoku Shimbun (our local daily newspaper), had rushed to work when the air-raid warning sounded. He was still not home. I was so tired I had to force myself to eat breakfast. My husband would probably get home first, so I set the table and put his lunch out before I left.We were to assemble at 7:30. The volunteer group was mostly women; one was in her sixties. We had been under an air-raid warning since early morning, but that had become a daily routine. We felt no particular fear. The warning was lifted on the way.Our job was clearing away debris left by demolition work in Tsurumi-cho. Due to start at 8:00, we crossed the Tsurumi Bridge in a line. About 30 meters after crossing the bridge, we heard the sharp buzzing sound of an airplane. We were used to the contradiction of enemy planes overhead just after an all-clear siren. We couldn't quite tell how high it was, but the silvery wings reflecting the fierce rays of the sun glinted blindingly. An airplane as pretty as a silver treasure slowly flying from east to west in the cloudless, pure blue sky, emitting a gentle drone. I watched it for awhile with my hand shading my eyes.Somewhere, a voice said, "Hey look, it's a parachute! A parachute is falling." I instinctively looked where the person pointed. That's when it happened. Just where I was looking, the sky exploded with an indescribable light. It was like fire burning my eyes. I could say it was like the strange bluish-purple sparks that burst above streetcars at night, only a hundred billion times brighter. But that wouldn't be right either.I don't know which came first, the light or the deafening roar that echoed in the pit of my stomach, but I was instantly thrown hard to the ground. At the same time, things were raining down on my head and shoulders. Everything was pitch black. I could see nothing. I remember thinking that the event I had been preparing for every day for so long had finally arrived.Just then, the three children that I had sent to the countryside appeared clearly before my eyes. With a sudden irresistible impulse I struggled forcefully to get up. I threw off pieces of wood and roof tile one after another, but they kept falling and piling up on me. I couldn't get free. "I can't die. What will the children do? My husband may be dead. I have to get out of here. . . ." I desperately clawed my way out.I noticed a foul smell in the air I was breathing. "Must have been an incendiary phosphor bomb." I absentmindedly wiped my face and nose with the towel still stuck in my waistband. That was when I first knew something was wrong with my face. When I wiped it, the skin peeled off. Oh! My hand! The skin on my right hand, from the second joint to the fingertips, was peeling off and hanging strangely. On my left hand too, the skin was peeling all the way from the wrist to the tips of all five fingers.From the depths of my soul I groaned, "Oh, no. I'm burned." I knew my face must be the same as my hands. When I was desperately fighting off the pieces of wood earlier, I had injured my burned face and hands. "I'm finished," I thought. I sat down right there. Then I noticed that no one was around. Where were all the volunteers in that line with me? Suddenly, driven by a terror that would not permit inaction, I started to run for my life. I say "run," but I had no idea where the road was. Everything was covered in wood and tiles so I had no idea which way to go.Such a bright morning until a moment ago, what in the world could have happened? Now we were under a thin cover of darkness, just like dusk. The dull haze, as if my eyes were covered with mist, made me wonder if I were losing my mind. Looking around unsteadily, I saw something that looked like people running on the bridge."That's Tsurumi Bridge. If I don't get over it right away, I'll lose my chance to escape," I thought. Jumping over trees and rocks like a crazy person, I ran toward Tsurumi Bridge. When I arrived, I saw a horrifying spectacle. Countless bodies squirming and writhing in the flow of people and water under the bridge. Their faces were gray and so swollen I couldn't tell male from female. Hair stood straight up. Arms waved in the air. Voices groaned wordlessly. They were jumping into the river one after another. The strong ray had burned my work pants to rags, and my whole body was in agony, so I was preparing to jump in with them when I remembered that I couldn't swim. I returned to the bridge and crossed it. I shouted encouragement to a girl student who was wandering about aimlessly like a sleepwalker. "Hurry, hurry." When I turned around I saw that the whole city from what I thought was Takeya-cho to Hatchobori was a solid sheet of flames. Calling out the names of my three children in turn, I encouraged myself over and over, saying, "Mother will not die. Mother will be all right." Looking back, I simply cannot remember where or how I ran. But the many pitiful sights I saw on the way are etched in my brain.At one point I saw a person who must have been a mother drenched in bright red blood from her face to her shoulders. Repeatedly calling, "Baby boy, my baby boy!" she was trying with all her strength to rush into a burning house. A man was desperately struggling to hold her back. Like a mad woman she screamed, "Let me go! Let me go, our son will die!" A ghastly scene from the depths of hell.I vaguely sensed that I had followed a streetcar street, so I probably had found my way to the Eastern Drill Grounds by way of Matoba Street. When I crossed Kohjin Bridge (I had no idea what bridge it was at the time), its sturdy railing of concrete and iron was gone, probably blown off. The bridge was extremely unstable. Below the bridge, corpses were floating by like dead dogs and cats, their shreds of clothing dangling like rags. In the shoals near the bank I saw a woman floating face up, her chest gouged out and gushing blood. Could such terrifying sights be of this world? Suddenly, I lost strength and had to sit right in the middle of the drill ground.Even considering the several wrong streets I went down between Tsurumi Bridge and the Eastern Drill Grounds, less than two hours must have passed. The darkness had faded a bit, but the sun remained behind a thick cloud which covered the city with gloom. I gradually became aware that my burns were painful-not the sort of unbearable pain that most burns cause, but a dull pain that seemed to come from some distant place, not my own body. A yellow secretion oozed from both of my hands where the skin was peeled off. It would grow into drops the size of small peas, then drip off. I'm sure my face was equally grotesque. All around me, junior high girls and boys from another volunteer corps writhing on the ground. They seemed crazed, crying, "Mother, mother." As my eyes took in the cruel sight of their burns and gaping wounds, so horrible I couldn't bare to look at them, an enormous rage welled up from deep within, but I didn't know where to direct it. Even these innocent children.... Crying for their mothers, first one, then another breathed his or her last. All I could do was look at them.I gathered all the strength in my flickering body and soul and fell in line with people heading toward the mountains. Probably about 3 pm, having been utterly lethargic for some time, I sat down. As I gazed around with what was left of my eyesight, I could tell that the station and all of Atago-cho had become a sea of fire. I felt lucky to have escaped.Gradually, my face grew stiff. Gently touching my cheeks with both hands, I measured with my eyes the distance between my hands as I took them away and saw that my face had swollen to about twice its normal size. My vision was more and more restricted. "Oh, no, soon I won't be able to see. Could I have come this far only to die here?" I got up and walked around the foot of the mountain until I came out at Hesaka Village. Stretcher after stretcher came by carrying the injured. Carts and trucks drove by full of injured people and corpses that looked more like monsters. On both sides of the road, many people wobbled this way and that, as if sleepwalking. I realized that while I could still see a little I needed to find a safe place where I would not be hit by a truck and could quietly trust myself to fate. Peering here and there through barely open eyes, I saw my own sister squatting and resting. "Sister, sister, help me....." Without thinking I ran toward her. My sister at first looked at me doubtfully. Finally she recognized me. "Futaba-chan, you look......" She couldn't say any more, and just held me."Sister, I can't see any more. Please take me to my children."In a faltering, quivering voice she said, "Don't worry. I won't let you die. I'm taking you home." Then, looking again at my burns, she said, "You poor thing!" Tears falling, she helped me rest on some soft grass. I have never felt more keenly the wondrous blessing of family. If I had not met my sister just then, I don't think I would have survived. She had light injuries on her head and one foot, but was basically fine.Lying next to my sister, perhaps I let down my guard. In any case, I was soon completely blind. I could no longer stand either. The sun had set. Wearing only burned and tattered work pants, I was getting cold. My sister went off and somehow came back with a small vegetable cart. She put me on it and said we were going to the relief station at Yaga Elementary School, over four kilometers away. I think I began to realize that along with my eyesight my strength was waning."I don't want to die. I don't want to die without seeing my children again." I desperately wanted to live. I can't express the hardship my sister must have endured during our two days at that relief station. I was mostly unconscious. I'm told that for two nights I was screaming, "Hurry and take me to my children." The doctor said I was hopeless, and since I was going to die anyway it might as well be with my children. So at my strong request, I was carried on a stretcher and put on a Geibi Line train for home. I arrived at Kamisugi-mura, the home of my relatives, on August 8. The local doctor came immediately to see me but said, "This is very bad," and declared me beyond hope. That evening, my children, who had been sent to stay with other relatives eight kilometers away, arrived at last. When I heard their voices scream, "Mommy!" I felt rescued from the depths of hell."I'm okay. These burns are nothing much." And I cried as the children I had missed so much came and clung to me. From that night, my fourteen-year-old oldest daughter Noriko dressed my face and hands with bandages and never left the side of her immobile mother. On the 11th, four days after returning to the countryside, I was quietly preparing myself to give up and die when my husband arrived, having tracked me down. The children cried tears of joy as they surrounded their father. At that time my suffering was so bad I found brief solace thinking, "Ah, good. Now if they lose their mother they'll still have their father." And I was happy. Then, in the morning of the 13th, three days after finding us, my husband, who had no serious injuries at all, began vomiting blood. Then he was gone, leaving behind a wife unsure she would see another day and his three beloved children. Our little boy sat near my pillow crying, "Mommy." I almost bled with grief, and even now as I recall that time, the tears flow."My poor children. I can't die now. I can't leave them orphans." With all my heart I prayed to the spirit of my husband, asking for help. Over and over, I was told I had no hope, but miraculously, I lived.My eyes opened surprisingly quickly. By about the 20th day, I was able to see my children's faces, but even as summer turned to fall, the burns on my face and hands remained raw and oozing. The flesh looked like ripe, mashed tomatoes. I was unable to form any skin. I finally got up out of my bed in early October. I stood on my own feet and walked again in December. After the new year came I was finally able to take the bandages off, but I was not the person I used to be.The earlobe on my left ear was shrunk to half its normal size. My left cheek, from my mouth to my neck, was bunched and disfigured by keloids the size of my palm. A keloid about 5 centimeters long ran from the second joint on my right hand to my little finger. The fingers of my left hand were webbed and welded together near the root. I was barely recognizable, deformed. I held my three children and wondered how we would get by. The soaring postwar prices and other hardships of that time bore down on us.In April 1947, just before losing our last source of livelihood, we were saved by the Chugoku Shimbun where my husband had worked. I will never forget my joy when they hired me.

Taken from "Bombing Eye-witness Accounts," the first collection of eye-witness accounts published in 1950 by Hiroshima City
The writer, Futaba Kitayama, was 33 at the time of the bombing and was on a street between demolished buildings in Tsurumi-cho, 1,700 meters from the hypocenter.

p/s: I am trying to post some of the photos from the Hiroshima bombing but unable to do so.

Friday 4/8/2006:

Went to Alamanda and bought Kakak her birthday present. The present was supposedly from Adik. Wrapped it up with Adik when Kakak went to her tuition. Adik was complaining Kakak balik lambat sangat from her tuition class. It was only 9.30 pm. Adik wanted to give Kakak the present so much.When Kakak muncul depan pintu at 10.15 pm, Adik straight away wished her Happy Birthday and gave Kakak the present. Buku cerita - all mystery books. At her age, I have read most of the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, Enid Blyton and I enjoyed them so much. I hope Kakak will enjoy them too.

Saturday, 5/8/2006

It's Kakak Birthday. My first born. We did not have anything as I was planning to have the party next Saturday at Mak's. Nak jemput all her school friends since she's going to transfer to a new school next year (if we manage to get a maid).

Amir's class was cancelled at the last minute. I was kelam kabut preparing lunch when he told me his class was cancelled. I got a thank you kiss on the cheek...Pandai jugak hubby aku ni ambik hati. Itupun after I complaint the night before that he did not know how to show affection. Whatever it is, I love him for what he is. Even though sometimes rasa menyampah and geram bila dia buat tak tahu, buat busy tak tentu pasal and suka menyemakkan the floor with newspaper yang dia baca.

Sunday, 6/8/2006

61-year ago, the first atomic bomb was dropped above Hiroshima. More than 220,000 people died from the blast. Three days later, The US dropped a second atomic bomb over Nagasaki. Six days later, Japan surrended. The WWII ended.

With the war that is going on in Lubnan and Palestine, I don't know what the future's going to be. Will my children live to see their old ages? Or will it be like children in Lubnan and Palestine? I am worried. Day after day, we read the news, 28 people were killed when two Isreali bombs hit, 16 of that were children. 21 people were killed when they fleed from their villages, 13 of that number were children. Anak-anak syurga. That's the only comfort that we have. What about those who did not die? What about those who lost their parents? Ya Allah, kurniakanlah mereka ketabahan and kekuatan, tetapkanlah iman mereka and kurniakanlah mereka kemenangan yang hakiki. Amin.

They are the bestest friend ever!










They can be the bestest friend but when it comes to bergaduh, my blood pressure can go upstair!! We went to a wedding yesterday with their Opah (as usual, Amir had his class). The wedding was simple and sweet. Before we went back, the kids nak main dulu dekat lobby. Sent Mak home, went straight home.

Malam tu, Amir ajak makan kat Bangi, nak makan steam boat. Dinner was really good. Adik and kakak makan banyak betul. We finished up everything in the steam boat wok. Boleh pegi lagi ni, provided that Amir pays for it!!

My life is full of complaints. I can't help it. Kalau anak malas nak belajar, would you just keep quite? If somebody berbelanja unnecessarily, would you just go with the flow when it will affect your yearly appraisal later?(this is another story!!)

I have given specific instruction to Kakak to do her math assignment at rumah Ibu in the afternoon. She did not do it. When I asked what did she do, she said she was playing with Iman. Later, after dinner, again I specifically asked her to do her math assignment. When I came back from the tuition center, she was doing her math assignment in front of the tv. I was mad like hell. Amir was home and he did not say anything bila nampak anak dia buat math in front of the TV. I cannot tahan with this madness. I am raising my kids alone!! The tuition center story? Ooh, I tell u about that later. I had a talk with Amir about Kakak, her studies etc. You know what he said, Kakak is only in tahun 3. My God, I can read English book by the time I was 10-year-old, I can draw very well and win art competition by then. I want her to find something special inside her but we as the parents have to help her finding her talent.

Today's kids are different. They do not have the luxury that we have before. We can take our time to succeed in life but not today's kids. But as usual, Amir is being Amir....

Last night after dinner, I went out alone to the tuition center to enroll Kakak. I cannot stand it anymore. She is spending too much time in front of the TV, playing and wasting time. Amir is not doing anything. Paid RM55 and she will start this Thursday. Her exam will be on next Monday. Macam mana tu?

Sigh, how I wish Amir would contribute more. I know he is busy with his studies and his work but he is a different type of student now. He cannot expect he can be like he used to be as a student during his college year dulu. He has a family to take care of too. I can't do this alone. Most of the house work, I have taken over. Entahlah, susah nak cakap and susah nak buat macam mana.

I wish I have a better story to write but life has not been easy for me.

I was on MC last Friday. Demam and flu, Amir and the kids also down with flu and batuk. We sent the kids to the babysitter while both of us terbaring kat rumah. Teruk betul rasanya with no one is functioning but somebody has to get up to do the cooking and etc. So, with no other option left, I had to prepare lunch. It was already 2.30 pm. Later, in the evening, we packed everything and went to mak's. Picked up the kids and had dinner there.

I had a big fight with Amir. I felt that he doesn't care about the baby. I know he doesn't want it in the first place. My biological clock is ticking. I can't wait for next year. He never asked about the baby, when is my next appointment, is the baby ok, how much I pay for the monthly check up etc. I was feeling really sad. He said, he's tired with the assignment, the kids and his work. He doesn't have anything left inside him to ask about the baby. Tak tahulah, a simple gesture of care and love is good enough for me. I hope he will change after the baby comes out. Mak told me, Ayah prayed for a baby boy for us kat Mekah masa dia pegi umrah hari tu.

Sunday 23/07/2006:

Amir was out from morning till 12 midnight. He went to his class in the morning, later in the evening, he had to entertain Sirim's guest from Uganda. Siap bawak pi shopping, dinner etc. I work my butt off kat rumah, cook breakfast, lunch and dinner, bawak the kids main kat playground, wash my car (yes, I washed my car!!) with the kids, pegi beli kasut sekolah kakak kat Puchong Prima (kasut tak kering punya pasal), iron the clothes, get the kids ready for bed, washed the dishes and buang sampah. Pheww....and he was enjoying seafood dinner kat muara!! Geram betul. Well, he did apologize to me but that was not enough. Amir would go all the way to gembirakan orang lain. Berkorban apa saja sampai tuang his afternoon class to entertain orang lain. Kalau bini sendiri, mintak maaflah, kenalah pandai-pandai membahagiakan diri sendiri. I said to him, you have no idea what you would miss untill it is too late. You always takes things for granted. Just because I am here, hidup lagi, you have no idea what you have!! Geram betul....

Tsunami in Jawa Barat was really bad. Death toll rose to 531, with more than 270 missing. It was so sad to see gambar budak-budak yang terkorban. I can't imagine how traumatic the people in that place. I can only pray that they will bersabar and redha dengan ketentuan Illahi. Those yang terkorban, semoga mereka dimasukkan ke dalam golongan yang beriman. Last May, 6.3 magnitude quake kills more than 5,800 people in Jawa Barat jugak. Macam-macam bencana melanda Indonesia. But according to Dr Ari, this is one way of controlling the population naturally. 5800 people died is nothing to Indonesia. 531 people died is even nothing to them. They have 210 million people, only fourth after China, India and USA. That's another way of looking thing in different perspective. But loss of life is still loss of life. When Banda Aceh was destroyed by the Dec 26, 2004 Tsunami, 300,000 people was killed. Lot of professionals mati dalam bencana tu. Even Dr Ari has to go teach kat university Aceh because the lecturer yang used to teach the subject terkorban.

Alahai.....Mak Et. Tak habis-habis cerita pasal Mak ET nak kahwin. Selama sebulanlah, cerita Mak ET nak kahwin nanti. Naik meluat pulak nanti..... gaun pengantin harga 40K. Itu tak masuk baju and gaun pengantin yang lain.

Last night during dinner, adik bercakap tak habis-habis. Orang lain dah siap dinner, baru dia nak start makan. I have to wait for her sambil layan cerita dia.

Ummi: Mana adik sorok tupperware Ummi yang tudung warna hitam tu?
Adik: Kawan adik yang sorok. Adik dah cakap tapi dia naughty sangat. Dia sorok jugak lepas tu tak ingat kat mana?

Before tidur at 10.00 pm:

Adik: Ummi, adik rasa nak telefon kawan adiklah.
Ummi: I don't know her number.
Adik: Nombor dia nombor tiga
Ummi: Nombor telefon mesti ada lapan nombor
Adik: Ok, nombor dia tiga dan lapan
Ummi: Call you call her tommorrow morning? Ini dah lewat, kawan adik tu dah tidur
Adik: oklah

Her invisible friend............

Went to the furniture store last night, place our order and deposit. The sofa will come in two weeks time. Amir wanted the one with leather frame, I said no, I have enough of leather sofa. So, we went to another store. It's good to be pregnant, laki kena dengar cakap bini!! Anyway, I think I have to change my curtain to suit the color Amir picked for the sofa. Green curtain and red sofa frame do not come together for sure!! Tapi tak tahulah, may be those ID people have another opinions on what color match with what color. Now, it seems that everything clashes with everything and it works just fine.

Anyway, we had our dinner at 9.30 pm at A&W, PJ. Adik was so hungry that she ate the whole cheese burger by herself. Kakak had chicken sandwich, then she wanted curly fries and ice cream to which I said no. I already asked her in the first place what she wanted and she only wanted chicken sandwich and nothing else. I had waffle with two scoops of ice cream and shared with Amir. The place was quite packed last night. There's one Chinese family came in after we have sat at our table. They were all kecoh and kepoh. They sat to the table next to us. the grandfather (I think) sat the closest to us. He did not have anything but he was coughing and buang his kahak on the tissue at the table. Eewww....rasa nak termuntah kat situ. I still have a bit chunk of waffle left on my plate.

Adik was restless last night. She woke up few times. I guess it is because of the late dinner and full stomach.

Siti Nurhaliza finally made the announcement. The bertunang, nikah will be on the 21 August, the 28th will be the reception in KLCC and 3 Sept will another reception kat Kuala Lipis. Finally, dah naik menyampah dengar pasal dia nak kahwin, pasal Datuk K. Ikut suka dialah, asal bahagia. Cerita Tsunami 5 meters height in Jawa Barat yesterday pun ditenggelamkan oleh cerita Siti nak kahwin dgn Datuk K. Anyway, I think kalau I pegi rumah Mak Cu kat Kuala Lipis tu on 3 Sept, may be boleh tengok Siti bersanding kot. Rumah Mak Cu tu cuma sepelaung dari rumah Siti. Kalau Siti tak buat kecoh macam ni, may be her marriage to duda ni is much sweeter.

Went out Saturday night looking for a sofa. Found the one that we like but did not place our order yet. Thought of going back on Sunday nite to place our order but MIL & FIL came for dinner. Tak prepare anything for them as they came quite mengejut so Amir went out to buy nasi and sup ekor.

I cooked kuah kacang and nasi impit. The kuah kacang did not turn up as good as I want it to be. Make kuah lontong and sambal udang. That was ok though taklah sedap sgt. Lama tak masak....

Went to see the gynae on Saturday. Did not do any scanning, just a normal check up. Received one jab for tetanus. Adik was with me in the examination room. She was hiding behind the chair when I received my jabs. Dia takut. Still can feel the pain (lenguh) until today.

The 69ers 20th Anniversary Bash will be in November this year, after many votes for November. Well, I won't be coming as my due date will be in November.

Mie was hospitalized for denggi yesterday at Putra Jaya Hospital. Mak and abah went back to Jerantut yesterday morning. Mak might be coming back to stay with Ija but may be after sending Danial off to Kuantan this weekened. Amir came back from Penang yesterday night. He did not buy me anything but I am happy he's home. I miss having him around the house.

17/7:

I should've update the posting last week but did not manage to do it. Well, actually I malas nak update!! Mie was discharged from the hospital but have to do blood test everyday. He is ok now. Mak won't be coming since he's ok.

Today, adik is still unable to watch Disney Channel on Astro. Amir locked the channel and forgot the password. Luckily, she did not "mengamuk". Anyway, mak and abah are going back tommorrow. That means I will be with the kids until Amir gets back. Sigh.... I hate him going away too long. There will be more trip outstation. Luckily, I am feeling much better now even though I easily get tired by end of the day. Yesterday, I manage to cook asam pedas.

Nothing really interest me lately, so I may not able to write something interesting. Well, not I normally write interestingly! Anyway, I am supposed to see my gynea this week but I did not have the time to see her. Amir is always outstation. I can't handle the two kids at the clinic, I guess I have to wait until Amir is here. Kesian this baby......

I better sign off now, I am running out of idea again.

Amir off to Penang today for 3 days. Mak and abah will stay with me until Wednesday which is a good thing for me. I don't have to rush adik and kakak to rumah Cik Mu and school, pick them up in the evening and return home at night.

Italy won the World Cup in a shoot up. I didn't watch it but heard it over the news.

Life is still much the same everyday. I am running out of idea. I guess I don't do much lately. Weekend is about cleaning up the house. Amir has been running the household for the past two months (since I found out that I am pregnant and had a terrible morning sickness). Everything is everywhere. The dishes were stuffed into the cabinet, all the baju and whatnot were in the laundry basket. I spend half a day folding and arranging baju into the closet.

I guess I will sign off now. I am running out of idea again!!

Ok, this is the real posting for today. I copied from my posting from another blog on the previous posting. (Notice there are few posting already and all dated today!!).

Well, Amir came back at 11 pm last night from Batu Pahat. We were already asleep. He will be away again to Penang next week for three days. Entahlah, I miss having him around the house. The kids pun dah bising coz their Baba is always working outstation.

Mak is coming this weekend, to send Sukri to UKM. Abah may not come coz Fiqar has to go to school the next day.

I am running out of idea.

Making a comeback!
It has been a while since I last blog. In fact my last entry was in March. A lot has been going on. I got pregnant! I am now 21 weeks into my pregnancy. Feeling much better. I had terrible all day sickness from week 8 to 14. Been gaining too much weight already. The kids are excited about the baby. Amir is excited too but not at the beginning. Anyway, Amir just came back from Uganda yesterday night but he's away again to BP (Batu Pahat). Sigh....
What else should I update? I have a lot of photos to be uploaded. May be I do that later.
I am running out of idea.

Spring Cleaning on Chinese New Year
It has been a while since I last put me entry. Long Chinese New Year &Awal Muharam break saw me doing spring cleaning. The house is almost ready, well it is 99% ready.ANother 1% is more on the minor repair and touch up here and there.
Spring cleaning on Chinese New Year ---- my chinese neighbour surely watched me in horror. It is a taboo for them to swept the floor or curse on the first day of CNY. It is like sweeping away the luck for that year. Not that I curse but Kakak and Adik really made my blood goes upstair!! Amir was not helping at all. He had exam and need to study. Anyway, I bet my neighbour said this year sure suey itu orang.
I remembered one story I read in the newspaper about sweeping the floor on CNY. She is a westerner married to a Chinese. They had been living in the State for sometimes when they finally resided in Malaysia. Her first experience celebrating CNY with her in-law was a disaster. On the first day of CNY, she vacumed the whole house. Her MIL was screaming at her. She was really upset for upsetting the MIL but the only consolation she had is that all the luck that she had swept away is still very much inside the house ---- in the vacum bag!!

The Joy of Working - How to find it?
Millions go to work everyday, buthow many can say they are happy working?
Work can be so specialised it isdifficult to see how you are connected to society. When you don't see the connection you may not find meaning in what you do. Without meaning there is no joy.
Salary and compensation no matter how generous has a limited appeal. To love what you do in a lasting way, you must find through your work, the connection with self and society. Only then can your work be your bliss and your life whole. A humble hawker who sees his role in humanity finds happiness knowing he has contributed and added value to society.
To paraphase Pop John Paul II, work bears a mark of humanity, the mark of a person operating within a community of persons. Through work we develop individually and add to the growth around us.
Excerpt from Zubedy's advertisement in STAR 21 Dec 2005
Have I found mine?
I am not so sure. One thing I know I have to move AGAIN to another office. Don't know what to say. 2005 is not my year. I pray to Allah to murahkan my rezeki in 2006. Amin.

World AIDS DAY
Stayed up late on Monday (28 Nov) to complete the Innovation Road Map. I missed the "CEO checking session" on Friday, so Monday kena pulun habis-habis. Thought by Monday, it would be over but dream on. Came Tuesday, I was in the office until 11.40 pm to complete the paper. I already went back at 10 pm but was being called by CEO on my way home. Siap kena tegur lagi by CEO - "Sapa suruh balik? Kena siapkan kerja dulu"! (Something like that). Hey, I waited from 7.00 pm, by 10 pm, he was still in the meeting.
Anyway, I hope CEO would be serik to ask me to do any job for him next time! Finally, got everything agreed by CEO. I went on with the printing (12 copies) and almost toward the end, the printer ran out of catridge. Called Zuhdi and being Zuhdi, he immediately called Kak Min nak tanya mana catridge. It was right in front of his eyes. Anyway, CEO did all the changing himself and actually helped me print out the last 24 copies. Menggigil lutut coz he was reading the paper as the paper came out from the printer. Dalam hati, janganlah dia jumpa yang dia tak berkenan lagi ni.
Today is the World AIDS Day. Heard over the radio ERA this morning.
I am not really sure how I feel about this issue. Benci ada, kesian pun ada and takut pun ada. I guess a lot of people also feels the same eay. We are still lack of awareness on this issue especially issue on how to handle people with HIV positive.
Abg Sidek passed away 10 years ago. Not many people knew he died of AIDS but I knew. He used to be one of my favorite cousins. I remembered him talking about birds' name, the nest and the color, whether it can be eaten or not. I guess he loved birds.
He was in and out from Pusat Serenti 3 times. One day, I met him at rumah Pak We. He did not talk much but Pak We said Abd Sidek spent a lot of times kat Surau. Then I heard he was hospitalized for pneumonia (classic symptom of AIDS), then he had black patches on the skin all over the body. He died not long after that. Pak We was devastated. He wanted to mandikan Abd Sidek at home but the hospital did not allow him. Abd Manja said Abd Sidek died of hepatitis but he just kept quiet after that. I knew, abah also knew.
Would it be different now if Abd Sidek still alive and HIV positive? There were no support system back then. Family was too embarashed to tell. No one talked about that.

Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam
Went to Afifah's wedding at Jubli Perak Hall, SUK in Shah Alam. Arrived at 8.30 pm. The wedding was simple but we had our nasi minyak at 9.30 pm. Adik dah lapar sangat-sangat. She had cake (which is supposed to be the buah tangan) and fruit. Finally after all the pantun-pantun, speeches and singing (ya, nasyid song performed live by what-the-group's-name) over, we had our nasi minyak. All the lauk and nasi habis in no time, adik yang dah makan cake & fruit tu pun makan nasi punyalah banyak jugak. She must be really hungry.
Anyway, Afifah was really prety that nite. I don't think Abg Long & Kak Long actually had their dinner that nite. Tak nampak pun both of them on the main table with the pengantin. Almaklumlah dpt menantu pertama.
Jumpa most of the sedara mara - kak Rodi from KB pun ada, mak Itam, Nana, Kak Elan & Abg Nuar, Kak Yah and ramai lagilah. Yang tak ingat nama pun ada.
Amir insisted nak pegi rumah Pak Ili that nite. Apa lagi, we headed for Putra Jaya. Kakak & Adik dah mengantuk. Tidur all the way there. W e reached there at 11.30 pm. The house is huge and look very expensive with all the kayu berukir from bawah until the 3rd floor. It's a 2 and a half storey semi-d house. Meet all the saudara mara amir pulak kat situ. I didn't not have anything eventhough there were still a lot of food. We left Pak Ili's house at 12.00 with two big plastic bags full with nasi beriani & lauk-lauk, laksa asam etc. Tak habis makan for one week ni.
Sampai rumah at 12.30 am. Get the kids ready for bed. Went to sleep at 1.00 am.
2.00 am :
Amir: Ida, dengar tak suara budak ketawa kat luar?
Me: What? (orang syok tidur kena kejut)
Amir: Dengar tak suara budak ketawa kat luar?
Me: Suara apa? pukul 2. 00 pagi, sapa yang duduk kat luar?
Amir: cuba dengar betul-betul. (Amir look out through the curtain)
Me: Tak nampak apa-apa pun. ( the street light kat jalan and kat play ground tu memang terang)
Went back to bed and I heard THE SUARA and it was mengilai type of laughter!
Me: sapa pulak yang duduk kat luar? Sometimes, burung pun boleh buat suara mcm tu.
Amir: Tapi ada suara orang berborak jugak.
Me: Entahlah, eee...mengantuklah --- zzzzzzzz
The next morning, terfikir semula - what was it? Was it orang, a bird or was it "KEMBALIKAN HIDUP AKU"?

Jalan USJIO November 24, 2005
I am supposed to continue with my book review. Obviously, ilham tak datang lagi.
Semalam jamuan raya SRM, ramai dijemput and ramai tak datang. Food was plentiful, siap tapau untuk makan dinner. Seronok tak payah nak last night. Amir balik dengan the kids bawak pulut kuning and kari (mak bagi). Aiyoo, sapa nak makan semua tu. At last, mana yang boleh simpan, simpan dlm freezer. I had pulut kuning skit, still kenyang from the jamuan. Adik meragam sebab penat main and tak cukup tidur. Dia makan serunding yang Yanti bagi dengan nasi beriani. Sedap serunding tu. Homemade by Yanti's aunt.
Heard something funny over the radio last evening. The DJs were asking listener to call in on funniest and stranges street or kampung name. A lot of callers call. Ade Kpg langak Ikan mati, Jln Snooker, Jln Buang Siul and a lot more. But one guy called the DJ and told them that he saw a street name of "USJIO".
DJ: Wow, that's a strange name, Usjio!
Caller: ya
DJ: Where are you, anyway?
Caller: Um.., I'm at umm USJ
DJ: Ha ha ha That read as USJ 10
Caller: Oh ya...! It's USj 10, Aiyoo I didn't realise it
DJ: Are you trying to funny so that you can win the prize?
Caller: No, no, I totally read it wrongly.
DJ: Are you one of those who shop at "LOTIO" in Bkt Bintang?
Caller: HA ha ha
DJ: Where are you from? Are you from out of town?
Caller: I'm from PJ!!
DJ: HA ha ha

Entry for November 20, 2005

Last Friday, kakak mengadu kepala dia gatal and suruh check. Guess what, ada kutu rupanya!! And she went down running annoucing to Amir, dia ada kutu!! Aargh....
Check kepala adik as well and found one big ibu kutu!! "Baba, kepala adik ada ulat!!" Aargh... Hello kids, this is KUTU!! bukan diamond on the head!!
Malam tu jugak pegi Guardian, cari syampu kutu. I have been sleeping with the kids since last Monday, my head might be one of tempat ternakan kutu jugak!! The next morning, ops kutu.. (syampu & tukar all the bedsheet, pillow case). -- see photo
Sure berjangkit from either anak Mak Lida or Mak Usu kat Perak or Nisha or Fifah kat Pahang. Call Ina nak inform Fifah might ada kutu jugak if she's not the pembawa! Ha ha Ina gelak when she heard about adik ada ibu kutu kat kepala.
Call Siti nak suruh check kepala dia. Dia tidur dengan Nisha masa kat kampung.
Last Saturday, open house rumah En Din & Zul. Then pegi rumah En Mat. Lama tak jumpa En Mat and Anum. Dah ada lima orang anak!! The last jumpa, they only have three (Qistina was still a baby)
Sunday, open house kat rumah Ayu. Siap pesan makan kenyang-kenyang sebab malas nak masak dinner (bagus punya mak!). 9.00 o'clock, masing-masing kata lapar. Nak tak nak terpaksa masak jugak. Masak nasi lemak sebab sambal nasi lemak yang mak buat last week (simpan dlm freezer tau!) ada lagi.

Entry for November 17, 2005
My first blogging ever!!LIfe has been slow for me and it's getting slower. Then I decide to blog. Got a lot to learn to blog. Thank you Nani for encouraging me.
Tadi receive letter from MAKNA minta support & donation for adik Ariff Ibrahim whi is suffering from abdomen cancer. His father is a rubber tapper with pendapatan RM20 sehari. Mom is not working. So, sapa-sapa nak donate boleh masukkan sumbangan ke account Maybank 5140 7500 1920 or send a cheque to MAKNA, No 26-3, Jln 10/55A, Tmn Setiawangsa, 54200 Kuala Lumpur.
I lost a good friend to cancer 3-year ago. She was really young, leaving a good husband & two young sons. SInce then, I becomes a contributor to MAKNA. Tak banyak pun tapi I got a peace of mind knowing somebody sufferings from cancer can benefit from my contributions. Cancer is a silent killer. Y passed away 6-month after she was diagnosed with cancer. Haven't seen Y's husband & sons since then. But at last, jumpa juga kat KK last raya. The sons (M & A) have grown so tall. S is still single. We promised to meet up lagi kat KL.
Mak buat open house last Sunday. S datang dengan girlfriend. Oo... dah ada girlfriend rupanya. Why still single, tak tahulah. The girl is so nice and polite.